SEX IS A STRESS BUSTER !

According to a survey, revealed at an Indian Psychiatrists Society (IPS) seminar held recently, more and more couples are turning away from sex simply because they are too tired after work.

This is especially true of young couples in metros who are too busy running the rat race to devote time in the bedroom. The keeping up with the Joneses syndrome has overtaken all desire for physical intimacy.

So, is it time to push the alarm button? Yes, say experts who feel that physical intimacy between couples is the key to a happy and stress-free relationship. Sex is much more than just a physical act and is very important for one’s physical and emotional health. Some recent studies claim that sex practiced in a cozy atmosphere works as an effective stress buster.

Because of deep breathing and touching involved in sexual activities, our body produces hormones called ‘endorphins’. These hormones are also known as ‘feel-good’ hormones, because of the moment of pleasure they bring along. Therefore, sex does not only bring in a feeling of well-being but a calming effect too.

Shriya Gupta, a homemaker opines, “Though it’s only for a short period but sex actually relives you from all your worries and you feel much better. Not only intercourse but foreplay also helps in decreasing the stress level to a certain extent. Sex is a way of expressing your feelings with your physical self involved in it. I think it is a very romantic way of relaxing with your spouse. Above all, it really helps you in burning so many calories.”

Many individuals believe that because of their healthy sex life, they feel more emotionally involved with their partner. However, we cannot forget that only pleasurable sex can increase the sense of attachment between couples.

Noted psychiatrist Dr Sameer Parikh says, “There is a very scientific way to look at it as merely sex will not help much. If you consider sex as one of the daily chores then you will not get any satisfaction out of it. Sex demands your physical as well as mental involvement. I think it is an extension of a relationship which strengthens the bond between two individuals.”

Model Amanpreet Wahi, who is all set to tie the knot shares, “I know a lot of couples who have a healthy sex life and it does translates into great chemistry between them. It is a beautiful thing that binds two people together. Sex is also one of the ways of loving each other as saying ‘I love you’ is not enough sometimes. I know a couple, both of them are approaching 50 but they still have sex regularly as they think it enhances their bond.”

Unfortunately, in the quest of attaining a stress-free life, sex is taking a back seat. The desire for material pleasures is killing the basic desire of pleasuring each other.

Kunal Sharma, software professional admits, “After a close encounter with my wife I feel relieved and sleep well at night. However, many a times, my mind is so occupied with several other things that I can’t concentrate on sex. If I push myself for sex, I don’t enjoy it and it becomes tough to keep myself involved.”

Sex is a dimension of love and experts believe that ignoring yours and your partners’ sexual desires can be hazardous for a relationship.

Dr Rachna Singh, holistic medicine and lifestyle management expert says, “With today’s fast paced life, pressure on relationships has increased. With demanding professional lives, most of us end up ignoring our personal needs. Not having a good sex life can result into dissatisfaction between couples. ”

Priyanka Tiwari says, “My husband and I work with a BPO. Our timings are completely different and we hardly get time for each other. Most of the time, we end up fighting or yelling at each other over petty issues. We hardly have any sex life now. Whenever I want to make love, he says he is too tired and when he pursues me, I think of my early morning shift and prefer to sleep. ”

The fast pace of life today is leaving us with no time for basic and simple pleasures. With our busy schedules, it is quite easy to forget about your partner’s needs. Experts feel that couples should set themselves extra time for those special moments – after all, there is no simpler and effective stress buster than some action between the sheets.

Ramneek Pantal, model thinks, “If you don’t get time on weekdays you can always plan out something special for weekends like a small vacation, a long drive or simply a romantic dinner. Sometimes you have to go out of your way to please your partner but it’s worth it.”

MAKE LOVE AT LEISURE !

Lovemaking need not always be a loud, boiseterous affair. You can use the intimate time with your partner to develop a deeper bond in your relationship emotionally. Here is our list of 7 lucky mantras...

A softer tone to your love life can actually develop your relationship, anchor you emotionally with your loved one and can even save your marriage suggest experts. While there is a lot of hype about having a rocking love life, it is quite clear that quality time is better than the amount of noise couples make in bed. Thus, we have a list of seven tips that would help you slow down the pace of action and in the process, lengthen the bond you share with your loved one.

Extend the time you give to foreplay
Developing a carnal connection is not necessarily about getting the insta-orgasm . It's about savouring every touch and sensation that magnifies the physical and emotional bond. According to Canadian sexologists, better foreplay has a bigger payoff than scoring an orgasm. The sexual tension of anticipation leads to a more intense orgasm. A 10 week schedule towards extending your foreplay can genuinely change your relationship for the better say the experts.

For instance, spending some time kissing and caressing creates a mutual stimulation that has a meditative quality, allowing one to zero in on each sensation. Another option is to treat someone to a tantalizing experience by touching him from head to toe. Becoming familiar with the details of his body lets you mesh on a higher sensual level suggest sexologists.

The spine is a highly recommended area for this exercise. You could let your hands glide down his spine or run your fingers along the crease of his upper thigh. Also let him navigate your erogenous zones. Uncovering pleasure points specific to your bodies is like a secret the two of you share, and it leads a deeper emotional bonding because you are choosing to expose your vulnerability, as he will too.

Breathe together
This may sound far fetched but breathing in unison can make you both feel completely connected . Says a Belgian sex expert: "A focus on the same rhythm can get you into a trancelike state. It takes you into a 'zone' where you're very aware of your guy and your external environment seems to fade into oblivion." Sex after all is a form of meditation. Explore this angle of sex.

To synchronize your breathing, get into a oneto-one body position, such as spooning or coital alignment. Or sit nose-to-nose with your legs wrapped around each other and your hands on each other's chests so you can feel your heartbeats . Then inhale and exhale, slowly and deliberately , paying special attention to your man's pace as you caress and kiss. Breathing in tandem can help your excitement levels rise at the same rate too and could be the beginning of a great night ahead.

Eyes wide open
As the outside world fades into oblivion, focus inward and stress on the senses. Gazing at your partner forces you to concentrate on each other. Many women feel isolated during sex because you both tend to become so caught up in your own physical pleasure that you don't really bother with eye contact. Making eye contact is a way to communicate since it bridges that gap and lets you really be aware of your man's presence.

Again, eye contact is not exactly staring. It is more like you're looking inside of him rather than just at him. Study his facial expression and try to imagine what he's thinking and feeling, especially when he nears orgasm. Locking each other's gaze at this most personal moment is also a way of building trust. It begins a new era of acceptance between you and your partner.

A whisper speaks louder
Over-the-top encounters come with exciting decibel levels, pleasurable screams and other dramatics. However, a whisper can speak much louder say the experts. A soft spoken 'I love you' on your man's ear (the ear by the way is a great erogenous zone) can do wonders. Affirm your love for your partner with words as you both move to a beautiful rhythm of love and longing. Experts suggest that words have the power to heal, to give your partner confidence and to develop a comfort zone inside the bedroom (and the brain)

Rest in the bed after
The act is not over when it's over. Resting in bed and cuddling next to your lover after orgasm is just as healthy suggest experts as opposed to turning over. No words are required at this stage but the feelingness of belonging to one another; of staying there for the other's sake suggest a non-selfish , non-hurried attitude which can be extremely heartwarming.

Love is a lullaby
Even after washing up and getting ready for bed, there is nothing like a soft gentle lullaby for your man. Soft soothing music or a romantic tune of his choice can create a lingering sensation of the experience. It is important that the experience or the feeling associated with it are prolonged to develop a deeper bond, and when words and silence have been exhausted let your stereo do the talking as your loved one falls into a dream space.

Ambience
On a final note, candles, aromatic oils and other bric-a-brac are not cliches: they can genuinely lead to a fine ambience towards a softer, more sensuous equation in the bedroom. Good luck!

KNOW YOUR PARTNER ?

One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship they share. Do you know your partner’s inner world? Here’s a quiz that will help you find out. Your answers should either be 'yes' or 'no'...

• I can name my partner’s best friends

• I know what stresses my partner is currently facing

• I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately

• I can tell some of my partner’s life dreams

• I can tell about my partner’s basic philosophy of life

• I can list the relatives my partner likes the least

• I feel that my partner knows me pretty well

• When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner

• I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately

• My partner really respects me

• There is fire and passion in this relationship

• Romance is definitely still part of our relationship

• My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship

• My partner generally likes my personality

• Our sex life is mostly satisfying

• At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me

• My partner is one of my best friends

• We just love talking to each other

• There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions

• My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree

• My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver

• We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life

How to interpret your score:

15 or more yes answers: Congratulations! You have a lot of strength in your relationship.

8 to 14 yes answers: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon. However, there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer yes answers: Time to introspect. Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

IS THE HEAT REALLY ON ?

It's no longer the oldies who are taking anti-impotency pills. Now-a-days, even younger men are turning to enhancers to meet the increasing bedroom demands of their modern female partners, claim experts.

According to them, today's modern women, inspired by strong female characters in flicks such as 'Sex and the City', have become more vocal about their sexual desires and demand a higher level of stamina and imagination in the bedroom. As a result, men aged between 18 and 40 years feel increasingly emasculated. In fact, the pressure is causing many of them to experience "performance anxiety" and is also leading to the diagnoses of erectile dysfunction, the experts have claimed.

Dr John Tomlinson of Sexual Dysfunction Association said that he was hearing from an "enormous" number of 18 to 40-year-olds worried about sexual problems. "Men may feel emasculated by modern women and feminism has taken its toll. But most of problems are psychological. I am sure many of these men are fuelling the counterfeit drugs industry by buying their Viagra online," British newspaper the 'Daily Mail' quoted him as saying.

According to him, advertisements glamourising the well toned male body, make an impact on men who presume it is what women expect. Dr John Dean, a specialist in sexual medicine, said when Viagra was introduced ten years ago, it would have been unusual to treat men in their 30s. Now, however, it is common.

Added sex therapist Denise Knowles: "Pornography affects how men see themselves and how they think women will see them. Further pressure comes from the myth that men should know what to do in the bedroom
and that women are difficult to satisfy."

HE LOSES INTEREST IN SEX !

Most women blame themselves when their partner loses interest in sex. They feel that that their man doesn’t fancy them anymore. But the real culprit is someone, or something else altogether...

The number of times he says ‘no’ only leads you to think that he’s found someone else. But that is often not the case. Usually, there is something going on ‘upstairs’ that’s freezing activities ‘downstairs’. Your job is to find out what that something is, and work together to sort it out.

If your man denies you sex, it is not uncommon to be left worrying about whether he is having an affair or wants to end the relationship. The truth is that although you may experience these feelings and thoughts, it’s unlikely that his loss of desire, or ability to maintain an erection, is caused by a loss of interest in you, your looks or your relationship.

Most men suffer from other sexual problems when they are stressed out, tired or under pressure to perform in some way. In fact, the problem is more likely to originate from a demanding boss or a heavy workload, than from you...

Tiredness and overindulgence

If your partner has been working hard and trying to meet deadlines, the tiredness and worry can cause problems in focusing on lovemaking. Other causes of temporary erection loss can be overindulgence in alcohol, or a heavy meal. When this happens, stimulation during love play will not cause or sustain the act. At this stage, it is crucial to comfort him and avoid making accusations about his loss of interest in you, or imply an affair. This will only increase the pressure on him and make things worse. Sometimes, just resting for sometime will solve the problem.

Discussing feelings

It is also important to explain your feelings about what has happened and to ask for his help in coping with the emotions you may be experiencing. Explain that you are worried – it may be connected to your relationship and how he feels about you, and encourage him to open up about what’s going on with him too. Start by saying something like ‘I know this probably sounds silly but... ’ continuing with your own concerns about his loss of desire. Encourage him to do the same with you, as he is just as likely to be as concerned as you are, if not more so. In this way, you can act as a team and solve the problem together , rather than both avoiding the issue through fear of probably losing each other.