INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX !

Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds.

Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse taking place all over the world.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the 1st time.

INTERESTING SEX STATISTICS !

Latino women have sex more often than either Blacks or Whites, who get down at roughly the same rate.

Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be turned on by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a bachelor’s degree.

70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.

Women who respond to sex surveys in magazines like Cosmo may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t.

White teenage girls who live with single mothers are 60% more likely to have sex before the age of 18 than those who live with both parents. The percentage is much lower for black girls.

Women who lost their virginity before their 18th birthday are likely to be twice as sexually active as women who don’t.

Women who have spent a night in jail are almost 50% more likely to have had more than 10 lovers in the past year than women with no criminal record.

Australian women are more likely to have sex on the first date.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

National birthrates rise and fall with the height of heels.

In a bar or nightclub, the hemlines and necklines of unaccompanied women rise and fall (respectively) during ovulation.

Women who have a positive attitude towards sex tend to be less achievement oriented.

Black women are 50% more likely than White women to come every time they have sex.

20% of women who live with their boyfriends have more than one sex partner.

FIRST NIGHT SEDUCTIVE MEASURES !

Try these methods on the first night and your partner will end up thanking you for your valued experience, rather than brooding over

Wedding jitters: OMG! I'm no virgin!

your virginity

1. Load her with gifts:

Most men suffer from performance anxiety, added to that is the tension that your wife may understand you are not a virgin. Such thoughts often spoil the magic of the first night together. So indulge your better half as women love gifts. Shower her with the best of picks...right from saucy lingerie to classy jewellery. She'll be so engrossed in adoring her gift of love that analysing your chastity would be the last thing on her mind.



2. Act like a greenhorn:

In Rome, do as the Romans do! And when with a virgin, do as a virgin does. Try not acting like a well rehearsed 'sex-guru' or a 'sex-goddess'. Go slow...you have your entire life to try out those meticulous moves and painful positions.

3. Seduce him to madness:

OK...you have been a sex kitten. Use your sexperience now. Seduce him to such an extent that he's just there and wants 'it' and nothing else matters. Be it with your tantalising lingerie or the sexy tattoo you've got etched at a place that's accessible only to him- use your body to your best.

4. Prolong the foreplay:

A killer desire to jump into a steamy, hot romp is a clear indication of premature desperation. Resist this temptation and extend the sensuous foreplay. Touch, tickle, tease or taste... do anything to turn on him/her to an extent where the thought of virginity ceases to exist.

5. Get the angles wrong:

Yes, as opposed to the general rule of getting all the angles, moves and positions right. Make the wrong moves and motions and she'll know you are an anxious first timer, just like her. Maybe you will discover an altogether new position all by yourselves. The excitement of discovery will make your first night memorable.

6. Get loud:

As the popular adage goes, most first timers fear that first time could be quite painful. And pain makes one scream aloud. So, even if it's not your first time, getting your vocal chords active often acts as a pleasure heightener.

7. Put some sense in his mind:

If the above mentioned tricks fail to seduce him and he's still banking upon a 'broken-hymen' as the stamp of virginity, gently make him understand that women can lose their hymen for many reasons, without even being touched by a man. A modern man will understand that even swimming breaks the hymen.

More than virginity, accepting your partner the way he/she is. And take the wedding night as the beginning to a new journey. So here's to a passage of self discovery.

IS IT LOVE OR LUST ?

Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones — it's nature's way of bringing the opposite sexes together. In fact, without lust, it's doubtful that love between a man and a woman would have a chance to prosper at all; which is also the reason why sexless marriages fail.

However, love is the most ennobling of human emotions — transcendental, exalted and capable of engendering emotional states.

But how can you tell the difference between lust and love? Read on to find out.

Is it love or lust?

It's lust if:

• You're totally focussed on looks and body
Even before you know your crush's name, you're already fantasising about them and drooling over their looks.

• You don't care about anything they have to say
It wouldn't make a difference to you if you never had a conversation with your crush. Furthermore, you don't bother to return calls promptly and you can easily go for days without talking to this person.

You don't mind checking out other hotties, or looking at other people, like friends, to satisfy your emotional needs.

• You spend most of your together time in 'action'
You make excuses not to spend time, unless it's in the confines of a room. And if they ask you for a favour, you say you're too busy. But if you have to be together and not have sex, you find them boring and look forward to doing something else like going shopping by yourself.

• You leave after sex
After having sex, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just "I gotta go".

COUPLES WATCHING PORN !

But what if your sex life is witnessing a lull where the action between the sheets is lifeless and thoroughly unimaginative. To battle this dry spell, a lot of modern couples are taking recourse to watching sexually explicit videos in an effort to spice up their conjugal relationships.

Pornography is as old as human kind and most couples sometime or the other have viewed some sort of pornography together. From "soft" porn scenes in Hollywood flicks like Unfaithful with Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez, or Body Heat starring Kathleen Turner and William Hurt to triple X rated movies, a lot of couples have taken recourse to sampling pornography. Observing couples in an erotic sex act has always been an eye opener for many as much as it forms a source of pleasure.

At times, pornography is a potent catalyst which has helped enhance the sexual act between married couples who may be ignorant about experimental sex moves. Coming to their rescue, where pornography has helped them master new techniques and "ways to pleasure" each other.

The viewing of pornography is no longer considered as "sinful” as getting aroused via suggestive visuals often leads to couples indulging each other in bold sexual moves. Instances of modern couples filming their love act like their Hollywood counterparts also abound. Even therapists seem to suggest that pornography as a unique a way to revive sexual desire.

The only problems arise when both partners are not open to watching porn together. Take the case of Nishta (name changed), 28, a product manager in Mumbai who tolerates her man's habit of watching pornography, but claims to feeling deeply insecure with his penchant for the perfectly sculpted bodies of the porn stars.

She says,” My husband told me lots of his friends' girlfriends have gone in for plastic surgery to get that perfect hot bod. He claims that I'll possess an awesome body. But, I'm unsure whether surgery will improve our sex life. My husband is selfish sexually and I blame his obsession with pornography for it".

SEXUAL FANTASIES - 2

Here is a little tidbit to keep in mind. The next time you hear 'outrageous' sexual fantasies, remember that not all of it has to be taken literally. See these fantasies as an act of unburdening on your partner's part and respect them for that.

States Amrita Choudhary, married and working with an MNC, "Ours was an arranged marriage, so it took me some time to open up to my husband. Initially, of course it was very difficult. I kept wondering what he would think about me. But fortunately, he simply heard me out one day. And since then I have had nights of sexual adventure."

For others, talking about their sexual fantasies also clears a lot of doubts in their head. And for the Indian women it spells sexual liberation. "Women in our culture have been taught not to speak about sex. So most of them have had not-so-great experiences.

But with the coming of age of women, a lot of these desires have remarkably changed. Today, a woman can demand whatever she wants and enjoy her body, as well her partner's without taboo," says Tiwari.

SHARING SEXUAL FANTASIES - 1

According to Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of the book 'Private Thoughts: The power of women's fantasies', it is best to be on your guard while testing risky waters. That's because too often, says Maltz, there's a lack of understanding about what it means to share our dark desires.

To minimise misunderstandings, she suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. "Ensure you have a mutual understanding of each others' objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other's private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try, " she suggests.

Says management student Gokul Sharma, "Sharing your deepest sexual fantasies requires a lot of trust. I often had to keep my fantasies to myself because my ex-girlfriend did not like trying them out. She would often come up with excuses of being tired and on more than an occasion refered to me as a weirdo. So I decided it was time to move on."

Maltz points out that even when both partners willingly reveal their sexual fantasies to one another, there's no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the mind or body. Psychologist Suparna Tiwari explains, "Often the content of our sexual fantasies could be quite a turn off. It takes a lot of love and patience between the partners to understand these fantasies, especially when it is beyond the norms of common sexual practices."

SEX TOYS FOR THE MIDDLE AGED ?

A ‘tasteful’ range of new generation sex toys is being designed for middle-aged couples.


And the brain behind ‘Relationship Care’ is Dutch multinational Koninklijke Philips Electronics (Royal Philips Electronics).

The company said it would launch the range in Selfridges and Boots stores.

Jayson Otke, a Philips spokesman, said the products are designed to enhance couples'' sexual well-being, and are specifically target the hitherto "neglected" group of sex toy users aged between 35 and 55.

Otke said the three new products will be called collectively the Intimate Massage Range, consisting of the Warm Intimate Massage, the Warm Massage and the Intimate Dual Massage.

"They are attractive to look at, targeted at the over-35 market, designed like beautiful stones with contours that vibrate and in a tasteful purple case," Telegraph quoted him, as saying.

"You would not be embarrassed to leave the product in full view of the family. The products are marketed for couples, are none-penetrative, not phallic shaped and are not meant to replace the partner but to enhance the sex life of both partners,” he added.

The company is so confident about its new venture that it is predicting a 70 million euro profit in its first 12 months of trading.

YOUNG GIRLS HAVE MORE SEXUAL PARTNERS !

Researchers have carried out the study and found that young women are more promiscuous than men and the average 21- year-old is notching up for nine sexual partners as compared to seven in case of males. In fact, they have based their findings on a survey of 2,000 people. The poll revealed that young women are twice as likely to cheat and more than 70% have had a one-night stand, 'The Daily Telegraph' reported. In fact, according to the survey, one in four young women has slept with more than ten people, compared with one in five men who had done the same. What's more interesting is that the survey found that few young women today hold to traditional views on sexual morality -- just one per cent of young women said they would want to get married before having sex, with the majority losing their virginity at the age of 16. More than half said they were not in love with their first partner, and only one in three believe it is important to be in love with someone before going to bed with them.

LOVE MANTRAS OF A SPECIAL KIND !

Ever wondered about the passion mantra of couples who keep throwing suggestive glances at each other at social dos?

Well, they don't actually possess any magical potion, but keep their love quotient strong by making an extra effort to spice up their love formula. "Any time you throw in a surprise, be it a last-minute, long drive plan, an offbeat date at an unexplored destination, an unexpected gift or acting extra bold in bed, it sends a signal from your brain's reward center which in turn stimulates the rest of your brain, including the areas that register love and bonding," says Dr. Sanjay Chugh.

Catching your partner off guard not only makes them feel lucky, but also in love. Here's how to use your imagination and give a sexy twist to your love life...

Amend that accent
Try anything from Haryanvi, Punjabi, Bengali to Italian, French or Russian when whispering sweet nothings to him or when screaming in the heat of passion. To hear a strange accent from your partner when the sexual climax is building up is an implausible turn-on. Don't bother much about what sense you are making at that time, your partner won't bother much to comprehend. Just pick the slang from local channels and get going.

Text message
Anticipation is the ultimate aphrodisiac. When going out for a family get-together, text your partner something that will make him or her lust for you all evening. Either he/she will cancel the party or they will try to stay close to you to feel the convivial ecstasy of the night ahead. Irrespective of whether you are in a long-term relationship or have recently started dating, your mate will love this superseductive surprise. You can send an erotic text listing your fantasies or simply MMS the photo of your bed with a "Meet me here after dinner...." teaser. The rationale lies in the fact that if you know your partner is up to something, it will overwhelm you with desire.

Honey! I have your remote control
This one's especially crafted for the girls! We all know what happens when guys glue their eyes to the idiot box, watching repeated telecasts of their favourite hockey, cricket and soccer matches. Surreptitiously, take away the remote while he is still stuck to channel surfing, sneak into the room behind him and turn off the telly. He may get awfully annoyed, but let him turn around to see you standing there in a sexy pose or clad in tantalising lingerie. You can also hide a love note at the places he is most likely to look for that devilish remote.

Pillow talk!
If you are one of those shy kinds whose heart starts racing the moment a little crudeness enters the bedroom, you can surprise your partner by being overtly expressive and talking suggestively. Remember, when you talk kinky, you are enacting a fantasy; and not merely surprising (or shocking) your partner and checking his/her comfort level with the whole idea. However, don't start bombarding the other with hardcore crude statements, instead, start by saying tamer things, using tamer language, for instance, "I've been wanting you all day..."

SHE'S GIVING YOU THE GREEN SIGNAL !

She makes all the right moves

Believe it or not, but non-verbal flirting gestures flow freely when a woman is interested in a man. Such signals may range from her pointing in your direction with her foot or shoulders, tossing her hair to mirroring your body movements.

Hot Tip:

Communication specialist Heer Wadhera explains, "If a female licks her lips while talking to you, she is sending out a clear signal that she is actually looking forward to something more than just talking to you. Similarly, if your girl plays with her jewellery, strokes her glass or freezes her eyes on you while talking, she is anticipating a date invite."

Adds Vinay Sood, a creative manager at an advertising agency, "Observe the way she looks at you. If she looks at you when you are not looking at her and turns her gaze away when you make eye contact, she is very much interested in you. A warm smile is also a sure shot open invitation and an indication that she is open to cultivating a deep friendship with you." If you become conscious of such signals, you can be sure whether or not your love interest is ready for your proposal.

DECODING FEMALE BODY LANGUAGE !

Does she keep bumping into you?

"Raima and I were in the same office. She used to put in a lot of effort so that I noticed her sometimes on the way to the restroom or in the corridors. She deliberately used to pass by where I was seated, though the restrooms were nowhere near me. Somehow, our timings matched so much that I use to find her in the canteen, at the coffee machine, in the parking lot; needless to say this was all planned by her. This was a very clear and open invite, I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out for a dinner date one day and her eagerness shocked me," chuckles Manish Sharma married to Raima since the past two years.

Hot Tip:

If you suddenly start finding your girl just about everywhere, chances are that she is thinking ahead to make sure she runs into you. It's only a matter of time before your eyes meet. What she's doing is trying hard to make you observe her and give you a chance to make that vital first move. However, the trouble with this 'she-approach' is that men are sometimes ignorant about what's going on in a woman's mind space and as a result, they let pass a lot of chance. So, the next time a woman starts appearing frequently in your way, be observant, for she is most likely doing it on purpose.

YOUR SEXY NEW ACCENT !

Ever wondered about the passion mantra of couples who keep throwing suggestive glances at each other at social

Use your imagination!

dos?

Well, they don't actually possess any magical potion, but keep their love quotient strong by making an extra effort to spice up their love formula. "Any time you throw in a surprise, be it a last-minute, long drive plan, an offbeat date at an unexplored destination, an unexpected gift or acting extra bold in bed, it sends a signal from your brain's reward center which in turn stimulates the rest of your brain, including the areas that register love and bonding," says Dr. Sanjay Chugh.

Catching your partner off guard not only makes them feel lucky, but also in love. Here's how to use your imagination and give a sexy twist to your love life...

Amend that accent

Try anything from Haryanvi, Punjabi, Bengali to Italian, French or Russian when whispering sweet nothings to him or when screaming in the heat of passion . To hear a strange accent from your partner when the sexual climax is building up is an implausible turn-on. Don't bother much about what sense you are making at that time, your partner won't bother much to comprehend. Just pick the slang from local channels and get going.

WHAT DID YOU SAY , DEAR !

Pillow talk!

If you are one of those shy kinds whose heart starts racing the moment a little crudeness enters the bedroom, you can surprise your partner by being overtly expressive and talking suggestively. Remember, when you talk kinky, you are enacting a fantasy; and not merely surprising (or shocking) your partner and checking his/her comfort level with the whole idea. However, don't start bombarding the other with hardcore crude statements, instead, start by saying tamer things, using tamer language, for instance, "I've been wanting you all day..."

REMOTE CONTROL HIM !

Honey! I have your remote control


This one's especially crafted for the girls! We all know what happens when guys glue their eyes to the idiot box, watching repeated telecasts of their favourite hockey, cricket and soccer matches. Surreptitiously, take away the remote while he is still stuck to channel surfing, sneak into the room behind him and turn off the telly. He may get awfully annoyed, but let him turn around to see you standing there in a sexy pose or clad in tantalising lingerie. You can also hide a love note at the places he is most likely to look for that devilish remote.

SEX SURPRISES - SMS OR IS IT MMS !

Text message

Anticipation is the ultimate aphrodisiac. When going out for a family get-together, text your partner something that will make him or her lust for you all evening. Either he/she will cancel the party or they will try to stay close to you to feel the convivial ecstasy of the night ahead. Irrespective of whether you are in a long-term relationship or have recently started dating , your mate will love this superseductive surprise. You can send an erotic text listing your fantasies or simply MMS the photo of your bed with a "Meet me here after dinner...." teaser. The rationale lies in the fact that if you know your partner is up to something, it will overwhelm you with desire.

SEX SIESTA FIESTA !

Napping tapping

It's a common occurrence to see your partner falling asleep time and again while you're in the mood to rock the boat. But such redundant naps in between sexual interactions often reroute the mood, ruining the sexual chemistry. Kanika Motwani, married for 3 years, complains, "Both of us come home tired and when it's time for sex, my husband loves his sleep more. Forget any foreplay or after sex moments, he sometimes falls off to sleep in between the actual act. It really annoys me."

Hot tip:

It's always a wise idea to grab a sound sleep after sex and not let it come in way of seeking pleasure. Go for a shower before you make-out to retain freshness of body and mind.

SEX WITH A DUMBO !

The silent quotient

How would you feel if your partner remained quiet throughout the lovemaking act? Not a great feeling of course! "I often feel that my wife considers sex like a routine chore that doesn't interest her whole heartedly. Neither does she appreciate any act nor does she take the initiative to tell me in case I am going wrong. I just don't enjoy such a one sided intercourse," shares Varun Chhabra.

Acts of holding back your moans and not uttering a word during sexual acts often imparts the impression sex being forced on the silent partner. Once your partner observes this, it'll surely kill his/her mood.

Hot tip:

Remember, your partner loves hearing you moaning, screaming and at times shouting, to know that you're having a 'good time'. Don't keep numb during the act. "Communication is the utmost requirement during sex. Discuss things that you like or dislike and what ignites your passion. Women should not be cautious of their expressions or hesitate in guiding their husbands. This educates their partner further," opines Dr. Aruna.

THOSE SELF STIMULATING GALS !

Self Stimulation

"I thought only men enjoy stimulating their private parts. However, when I saw my wife doing it to herself, especially during sex, it wasn't a good feeling at all. Every time I would try to arouse her, she would object and resort to her own way of stimulation," says Keshav Khurana. Such gestures can irk your partner to the fullest and at the same time, distract them from the actual act.

Hot tip:

Avoid touching or rubbing your organs repeatedly, let your partner have the privilege to arouse you by touching your erotic zones. "Inflammation or infection in or around the sex organ causes itching, so ensure you wash your body well before having sex. In case of any fungal infection, necessary ointments can be applied. You can also consume anti-allergic medicines a few hours before indulging in sex. This will reduce itching at that time so that you can enjoy uninterrupted pleasure," explains Dr. Kothari.

NAILS TELL THEIR OWN TALES !

Nailed

Many couples often, although unintentionally, end up scratching each other's bodies with their sharp nails. It may be an act of pleasure for you, but your partner might not be enjoying the pain as much. "I hate girls with long nails and unfortunately my wife has the same trait, it is a misery. Every time we have sex, I am with red deep marks on my back and neck, which are at times visible. Come on, how can this be a loving gesture?" questions Yatin Chawla.

While many couples enjoy an aggressive partner, certain gestures are not really welcome. Giving love bites even before your partner is aroused, often leads to pain and discomfort and might even lessen the chances of any further action between the sheets.

Hot tip:

The simplest way out of this situation is to cut properly file and manicure your nails so that they do not lead to painful scratches on your partner. Try caressing your partner's body with your soft and well moisturised hands and palms to avoid any contact with your nails. As for biting, make sure your partner is fully excited before you bite their ear, shoulders, neck or any other body part.

ARE YOU FOR REAL !

Oops! I farted

It may sound like a marginal interruption, but if it comes in the way of pleasure, it's sure to marr the excitement. "It was a horrifying nightmare. I knew my wife had medical implications due to which she suffered gastritis, but it was a highly disturbing when we were sexually engaged and I stopped enjoying sex with her anymore," recalls a young guy .

Hot tip:

Make sure your digestive system is in place before you indulge in a make out session. "Avoid potatoes, pulses, peas, and bakery items that enhance gas formation (gastritis). Also, we recommend you to consume a digestive pill or opt for a brisk walk after the meal to make the food settle down completely," recommends Dr. Kothari.

RECALL THAT NATURE ' S CALL !

Nature's call

This blooper is the mother of all sex bummers faced by couples. Often confused with a squirting orgasm, it is related to the pressure applied on the bladder due to sexual stimulation. A problem commonly faced by women, this often leaves the male partner feeling half pleasured. Recalls a young housewife , "I often feel like urinating half way through the act and this creates a problem for my man, besides being unhealthy."

Hot tip:

Never force yourself to reach a climax if you're feeling like relieving yourself. "The nerves that are stimulated during an erection are quite close to those of the urinal bladder and sometimes an overlapping can result in urinating during sex. So make sure you have attended nature's call before you gear up for the act of sex. In case there are any other organic problems, certain medications can help deal with them," elucidates Dr. Prakash Kothari, a leading sexologist.

DID YOU SAY SEX WITH YOUR " EX " ?

Sex with my ex

Imagine screaming your ex's name, or your secret lover's pet name, just when your partner is about to climax. Damn! It can't get worse than this. "I had an arranged marriage and it was a blunder that I did on my honeymoon. I yelled my ex's name in pleasure and my hubby was very frustrated hearing another man's name. Believe me, we didn't have sex for months, until I convinced him that there's nothing between me and my ex now," shares a newly wed (31), who got married last year.

Such an occurence is likely to make your partner feel estranged, besides injecting a feeling of suspicion in your love life.

Hot tip:

Though fantasies are an essential part of a gratifying sex life, expressing fantasies in such unexpected ways can often put end to your relationship. "A lot of women fantasise about their idol or a past lover while having sex as it turns them on. But it's important to remember that sex is an emotional experience too, so don't appear to be emotionally weak and let your past lover/fantasy hover in your mind space while becoming intimate with your present beau. This causes a discord in your relationship. A combination of prayanam, gym and a job (PGJ) is the best way to keep away from a fertile imagination," suggests Dr. Aruna Broota, clinical psychologist.

ART OF SEDUCTION !

Forget those cheesy pick-up lines and expensive colognes to impress a woman. The winning formula to land a hot date requires nothing but a

Wanna seduce your girl?

straight look into her eyes accompanied by a light touch on her arm, according to a new study.

The study,by scientists at Aberdeen University, has found that two-thirds of women gave a nod to dance with a man who requested for a dance by resting his hand on her arm for a second or two.

And those who did not comply with the trick and kept their hands by their side while asking the same question had a success rate of only 50 percent. In fact, women also preferred to give their phone-number to a man who touched their arm as he approached them in the street.

Published in Focus Magazine, the study said that touching makes a man appear dominant, and henceforth more attractive to the opposite sex.

In fact, researcher Dr Ben Jones said that making eye contact also indicates interest in a woman, but only if it is genuine. "Smiling can make you more attractive but it is worth bearing in mind that faking a smile is quite tricky," the Telegraph quoted Jones, as saying.

And those men, who find it hard to fake a smile, are advised by Jones to take extra care of their skin, or stay amidst other women to appear more appealing.

There have been innumerable studies

on finding the perfect seduction technique. Countless books, manuals (read the Kamasutra) have been dedicated to understanding what drives a man, and woman crazy. Tales of seduction, and seductresses have continued to feed the fantasies of men and women throughout history . While the world tries to master this art, here are some seduction fundamentals that are sure to send your pulses racing....

SEX TURN OFFS & TURN ONS !!

Enough has been said about what women and men want when it comes to sex but how about what they ‘do

Be cautious! This may turn-off your partner!

not want’?

Yes, not most couples would know that their little ‘unintentional’ acts can prove to be really big turn-off for their partners.

Those cosy moments that are meant to bring ultimate joy and pleasure in bed can go drastically wrong before you even realise what’s happening.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM ACTUALLY?

Picture this: Your lover is caressing you all over, trying to build up the heat and suddenly you decide to ask: How was your day at work? Or your lover is trying best to control himself to ensure that you are equally satisfied and you abruptly remind him of the protection pill that you forgot. What a turn-off indeed!

Wait! It’s not only women who tend to irk their men by these unwanted gestures. Men are equally responsible for dampening things in the bedroom by their little acts – such as going off to sleep immediately after the act or not bothering with foreplay at all, leaving her to work on that herself.

Any sexual act holds a certain meaning and has its own significance for the partners. When we are deeply involved in any kind of work, interruptions are always seen as irritating, annoying and frustrating and it’s no different when it comes to making love. Refusals could very easily be interpreted as rejections, which can directly hit the person's self - esteem, and unfortunately pave the way for him/her to feel inadequate and unwanted.

Sometimes you can put off your partner without even realising where you went wrong. It could be a physical, mental or an emotional reason. They can include: Fear of pregnancy and constant reminders of it during lovemaking, pretending to have a headache, blatantly pointing out on some body flaw, avoiding sex by putting it on having a tiring day at work, insisting on conditions of keeping the light off or not stripping completely, and so on.

And if this is not enough, there are several other turn-offs that include hygiene issues, acts and positions in bed, thoughts that rule your mind during sex ...the list is endless.

Couples today tend to get involved in their own lives so much so that they forget what the other partner wants. Specially while having sex, they can’t just talk about their tiredness and hectic day. You have to take out quality time to enjoy without interruptions.

THE WAY OUT

Now that you’ve got the point about what not to do to turn off your partner in bed, how do you go about it?

Expand your sexual horizons and learn new ways to turn each other on. Some ideas may seem like basic romance but let's be honest and ask when was the last time you actually practised them? The only way for this to work is to put the ideas into practice.

Understand that love making is a very intimate act where people connect with each other physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually. Respect each others needs, wants and desires and mutual satisfaction at every level is important to keep the fire burning! Try to understand what your partner enjoys, what is exciting for him, what stimulates him and toying with certain new ideas and concepts would help the couple look forward to those love-making sessions.

SEX MYTHS BUSTED - THE TRUTH !

Sexual gratification lies between the two ears rather than the legs. It is the strength that matters and not the length. More than quantity,it is quality of the sex act that matters

Sexual myths abound, but the facts still remain lesser known. As sex continues to be deemed as taboo in our society, not to be talked about overtly, nagging doubts about sex is what makes people inquisitive as they end up picking up myths from random sources. These pervasive myths can act as the biggest wreckers, ruining the fun of a sexual act. While nobody knows where the erroneous beliefs originated from, these myths still make their way into every bedroom. Let's hear from experts about the subject...

Dr. Prakash Kothari, foremost sexologist and advisor, World Association for Sexual Health, says, "It's strange when 7 out of 10 patients with impotency and premature ejaculation issues attribute their problem to the masturbation habits. This is such a prevalent myth."

Recalling another such instance Dr. Shivani Sachdev, fertility expert, Phoenix Hospital, shares, "Patients come to me with problems of conceiving. They have blindly believed that anal sex would help them get pregnant. "

The most common myth - 'size does matter' finds its clarification in a logical explanation that states the normal length of a male organ is 4 inches and the sexual length 6 inches. Establishing another reason for this myth, Rita Gangwani, image enhancer and personality architect says, "Most men associate their value with their organ size and also with their macho personality, thus they erroneously believe that the dimensions of their penis are of great importance for sexual techniques and gratification."

These scientifically incorrect notions disrupt one's sexual life in a big way. They lead to psychological symptoms of anxiety, physical symptoms, and most importantly affect one's sexual life adversely. Understanding the facts behind sex is of utmost importance. "Wrong notions paralyse the sexual response between partners. With so many baseless perceptions in one's mind, a level of curiosity creeps in and one can't be anxious and sensuous at the same time," exclaims Dr. Kothari.

Rita Gangwani elaborates, "When you operate under false assumptions, you are not able to give your mate what he truly wants and needs. People who rely too much on popular perceptions of sex miss out on that extra dimension."

So, the next time you find yourself trapped in a web of myths related to 'sex', talk about the things you hold to be true around sex and sexuality frankly with your partner for a satisfying sex life.

OFFICE ACTION - " BACK STAIRCASE " !

Back staircase:

Probably the best for those short/tall couples. The dingy, smoky alley suits your appetite just fine in the dead of the night. "The staircase is actually like a secret pathway which people hardly visit after office hours. It's also away from the prying eyes of the guards and other curious office-goers. I have had many of my colleagues narrating adventures they've had on the stairs. There was one who told me that the unevenness of the staircase actually worked as a turn on. And the best part is, no one gets to hear all the din you create," points out a software professional.

Caution tip:

The staircase won't be fun anymore if you slip and manage to hurt your back. So watch out for safety while being engrossed in the exercise. Beware of secret onlookers who may take the opportunity to create a porn video out of your act and post it on the net or circulate among colleagues.

OFFICE MAKEOUT - " THE ATM " !

The ATM :

This cosy, air conditioned space tucked away at a corner of the office is a safe haven to give vent to your sexual urges. With not many people visiting it after a certain time, it lends a sense of privacy. Says an ad professional , "Often due to work pressure and hectic schedules, people are left with hardly any time for themselves. So a quick session rarely hurts. As for me, I did try to cosy up to my colleague

at the ATM. It's not just private but also gives you enough time to complete your sexapade, as you always have the excuse of the ATM getting stuck."

Caution tip:

Dahlings, there are so many CCTVs inside the ATMs these days. So just watch out or you may be caught in manners you won't enjoy once you check them out for yourself. Keep your eyes split wide open or else the money won't bail you out of the situation.

OFFICE MAKE OUT - BOSS'S DESK !

Boss' desk/cabin:

"A classic idea. There' nothing like having a quickie on your boss' desk/table. Its like having a high like no other. "That's truly one of "The" places where you must make out if you can. It's not so much about the place, as it's the vital info that this room is your boss' cabin that adds to the sexual high. More so if your boss is ultra strict, just getting into some action there is the ultimate revenge tool."

Caution tip:

The flip side about this is your Boss could walk in any time on you. Or any of your superiors could. So unless you are very sure about his/her absence, it would be wise if you look elsewhere for your enjoyment. Cause then it wouldn't be just about saving your face but also your career.

"Such things are very embarrassing and thus the employer is left with no option but to ask the employee

to leave. However, employers do provide every one with a set of guidelines stating very clearly the dos and don'ts. At times the employees are merely reprimanded and allowed to go but if the conduct remains the same, then action is initiated."

FINALLY SAYING " I LOVE YOU " ! !

,

Saying 'I love you' may be the most natural thing to say when you are dating , but once those words are said, you take your relationship to a whole new plane. There is a world of difference between 'I like you' and 'I love you'. It's time you use them with caution. They are definitely not the golden words to say when... The drinks are talking It definitely may be easy to get those words out and loosen your guard when you are drunk, but the question is if you really mean them, or is it just the vodka that you downed showing its colour!? It is hard to believe anything out of some one who's been hammered. Save the proposals for the pre-party bit. That way, you'll have an even better reason to rejoice. The love mist is between your eyes Murmuring sweet nothings into his ear may set the mood for a session of rolling on the mat. But, along with those nothings, it is quite natural to yell 'I love you!' This may leave him baffled into thinking, is it really him that you love?! Don't get heady and impulsive; this will only blur the lines of distinction between love and lust. Hold those reigns, and if you feel the same even when the lust fog lifts you have found true love! Avoid voicing your inner feelings through the telephone, e- mail or instant messages. Simply because, it is a thrill killer. It surely is a chicken thing to do. It doesn't show how serious you are. Also spare those emoticons, they are hardly romantic ! Let him see it in your eyes, and judge for himself about how serious you are. If you are indeed serious, there is nothing like looking him in the eye, holding his hand and professing how you feel.

CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART ! REALLY ?

Many adults find it difficult to resist when the sparks fly and they fall again for childhood sweethearts. First loves are indelibly etched into our minds, scientists say, but they warn that rekindling that old flame could have lasting, irreversible consequences,tearing apart marriages and leaving a trail of devastation.

"It's not your average affair" said Nancy Kalish, a California State University-Sacramento psychologist, who has studied such relationships for 14 years. "It goes from the phone to the hotel. It's that quick." Jeannie T. knows the feeling. "It was like lightning struck when we saw each other" she said, after bumping into sweetheart Ben at a 40th school reunion in Joplin, Missouri some months ago.

They hadn't seen each other since Ben waved goodbye on a train platform in 1965 as he shipped off to Vietnam, but as soon as they saw each other again, the sparks flew. "He knelt down at my side and told me that leaving me was the hardest thing he had ever done," said Jeannie, now a Florida real estate agent.

A kind of panic set in, said 60-year-old Jeannie. "I needed to tell him what he meant to me. "However, she missed her chance at the reunion, when Ben's wife of 37 years strolled in on their confession. That's where the Internet came in. Mike T., Jeannie's husband of 13 years, says as soon as his wife returned from the reunion, she and Ben were burning up the Internet, first by email and then via text messaging.

Researchers say their experiences are typical of adolescent sweethearts who fall head-over-heels in love again decades later. Adolescent hormones carve those first loves into our brains, said Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of the book “Why We Love". The lost love's voice or touch triggers wanting, needing, craving in the same spots in the brain as those affected by cocaine.

Sounds like addiction? "It is more powerful than addiction," said Helen. Donna Hanover knows the feeling. After being dumped by her husband Rudolph Giuliani, she found another love, rekindling an adolescent romance after 30 years. She says," I felt an immediate chemistry between us, just as there had been when we were kids". She has published her story with 49 others, including clothing designer Nicole Miller, actors Carol Channing and Suzanne Pleshette in "My Boyfriend's Back".

SINGLE ? CHECK THIS OUT !

You know you are a great catch but can’t figure out why you are are still single. Suggestions for what you could do to find

Looking for love?

a man.

Okay, you really and surely want to be in a relationship but find yourself eating out alone? You know you are far better than anyone of them, yet they all have a boyfriend unlike you. You wouldn’t have realised it, but for all you know you could be engaging in a little self-sabotage when it comes to finding your special someone . You could be giving the impression , “I’m not interested,” when you actually are.. So, here’s how you could reach the “I’m taken” status.



You’re unconsciously ignoring your relationship needs

Many people have a lot to do yet they are open to relationships and are more than willing to make space for one. Some tell-tale signs: Every time someone extends an invitation your some unfinished project on your desk convinces you to say, “Not tonight, but once my workload lightens up, I will join you. Or, you find yourself saying things like, “I’ll start really looking for someone once I get my promotion/finances in order” (which, alas, may not be any time soon).

Solution:

You need to have an honest chat with yourself: Do you really want a romantic relationship in your life right now? If yes, make at least one step toward carving out some space for it. Go out and meet friends, sign into an online dating. And don’t let a few bad dates drive you back to your workaholic ways—once you have a good one and see what you’ve been missing, you’ll understand what all the hubbub is about.

You don’t think before you speak

Agreed, in today’s high-paced life you can’t afford to waste time thinking whether the person is right for you or not. So, you give it three seconds to decide ! Like Leena Bajaj, a young executive with a private bank confesses, “It takes me just five seconds to decide if I want to have more conversation with a guy or not.” But the fact is most of us aren’t great at making a killer first impression . “It sure could explain why I haven’t had a date in a year,” Leena continues. “I don’t give men a chance to show me who they are. A little patience would probably help.”

SINGLE - READY TO MINGLE !

At every wedding, party or dinner one attends, if one’s relatives are around, the proverbial question, ‘So, when are you going to get married?’ comes tumbling out. It is the question that has dogged single people — perhaps more than any other — ever since the invention of the prying mother. But now, tired of being marginalised and scrutinised by a wedded society, unattached individuals are throwing a cultural curveball. They’re announcing that they’re happy just as they are, while living and loving every single moment of it!

Being single has its pros and cons. While it’s great to get attention wherever you go and not carry the baggage of a relationship, when you come home, you feel a sense of loneliness. The small fights, making up and surprises are what makes anyone’s world go round. But your sense of freedom is restricted. So if you do fall in love, be prepared for the side effects.

So, are single people averse to the ties of a relationship? We think not. A person who enjoys being single, is not opposed to being in a relationship, but prefers not to date just for the sake of being attached.

More educated, economically self-sufficient, and socially independent than ever before, individuals can afford to be choosy. They can wait for a soulmate, and even turn down prospects in the process. Till then they find it perfectly swell to spend time hanging out with friends, and enjoying some quality alone time. As for the physical aspect of a relationship, well, we have progressed from being a city that sleeps early to one that sleeps alone or around, and that’s saying something!

SEX FOODS - STIMULATE YOUR SEX DRIVE !

Caffeine

Whether in coffee, tea, sodas or chocolate, caffeine, up to a certain point, can get your motor going.

Honey

Known for giving you a quick boost, sugar in its pure honey form can boost your energy. Honey also fuels sperm cells.

Chocolate

Besides containing caffeine, chocolate contains two compounds believed to have sex-enhancing effects: anandamide and phenylethylamine (PEA). (PEA is a natural form of amphetamine, an antidepressant). This sweet also contains theobromine, which increases endorphin production, making for a good high.

Herbs

Helping lovers relax and ease anxieties, some herbs are seen as having physical effects that can make you feel randier and increase blood flow to the genitals. Certain ones, like lemon balm, a type of mint plant that''s available in tea form, can relax the nervous system, soothing you while elevating your mood.

Spices

Some spices, like cayenne pepper, can get you hot quite literally by increasing your heart rate and body temperature. Some also mirror signs of sexual arousal, like a body flush, perspiration and plumper lips. Certain spices can be consumed in capsule, tincture or concentrated drop form a half an hour before sex to boost circulation.

Garlic

Because it contains allicin, garlic increases blood flow to the sexual organs, which can certainly help get things going in the bedroom.

L-arginine

L-arginine is a naturally occurring amino acid that is a precursor to nitric oxide, the molecule that is responsible for promoting circulation by relaxing the blood vessels.

Asian Ginseng

Commonly used to treat sexual dysfunction in males, ginseng has direct effects on the central nervous system and genital tissues. Evidence indicates the Chinese herb can facilitate erection by increasing blood flow to the penis.

Alcohol

Liquor is known to help lovers feel relaxed and in the mood, in large part because people have such strong beliefs that liquor makes for libido.

Ambrien

Found in the digestive tract of some sperm whales, this waxy substance is used in Arab countries, but is illegal in the U.S. Ambrien is said to increase a male's libido by increasing the concentration of several hormones, including testosterone.

Seafood

Resembling female genitals, any slippery, succulent seafood is held as an aphrodisiac. Also, the word "aphrodisiac" comes from Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty and love, who, like fish, comes from the sea.

GOOD SEX - GOOD HEALTH !

A happy sexual life with your partner not only gets you in shape with better skin texture and silken tresses, it also burns extra calories, keeps you fit, combats asthma, relieves headache, reduces depression and tranquilises your mind. From make-up experts, hair stylists, sexologists and fitness connoisseurs – there's a common consensus that a vigourous sexual life leads to a healthy life – both physically and emotionally. We get them share more on this...

There have been several notions stating that 'sex' produces certain hormones that bring happiness, which lead to a fit body and a healthy mind. Shedding some light on this, Dr. Sanjay Chugh, specialist on sexual issues, states, "Sex contributes to general good health. Any sexual intimacy that is enjoyable and pleasurable promotes well being by providing several physical and psychological benefits. It is believed that sex boosts chemicals in the body that protects us against diseases. Research also suggests that sex and masturbation can help ease joint and muscle pain, combat depression, promote heart health and lengthen one's life span."

SEX RECIPE - FEEL GOOD !

‘How do I look?’

This worry often stands in the way of really enjoying sex with your partner. We’re not all meant to look like supermodels, and it’s ok if you don’t. Your partner might not think you look bad, even if you agonise over the fact that you don’t look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. If you keep wondering whether you’re looking fine all the time and trying not to let your partner look at you too much, it makes for disappointing sex. You need to trust your partner to like you just the way you are, the way you like them. Relax and enjoy the feeling of being together, and you’ll discover what a romp you can have. Confidence only grows with good sex, so if you can feel good about yourself in bed once, the next time, you’ll feel even better.

‘How do I look?’

This worry often stands in the way of really enjoying sex with your partner. We’re not all meant to look like supermodels, and it’s ok if you don’t. Your partner might not think you look bad, even if you agonise over the fact that you don’t look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. If you keep wondering whether you’re looking fine all the time and trying not to let your partner look at you too much, it makes for disappointing sex. You need to trust your partner to like you just the way you are, the way you like them. Relax and enjoy the feeling of being together, and you’ll discover what a romp you can have. Confidence only grows with good sex, so if you can feel good about yourself in bed once, the next time, you’ll feel even better.

SEX RECIPE - TWO CAN DO IT !

One way street

That’s what sex often becomes – a one-sided effort. Women either think men should initiate sex if they really desire them, or that men are natural aggressors and it’s their ‘role’ to desire lovemaking more than women do. Again, that’s partly misinformation. The healthiest, hottest relationship is one in which both partners make each other feel loved and wanted. Don’t let one person do all the work. Initiate sex more often, and when your partner least expects it. Brush against them discreetly at a party or if you’re alone during a meal. Try seduction during a boring car ride or call them at work (when you know they will have some free time!) . Your partner will be pleasantly surprised at how warm and loved that makes them feel, and you can then turn things from warm to hot at the next opportunity.

SEX RECIPE - BE INNOVATIVE !

Putting you to sleep

If all you can think about when you look at your bed is sleeping, you’re probably bored with your sex life. It happens. Hectic schedules and family responsibilities leave hardly any time for sex, let alone innovative sex. But if you want to do more than sleep in the bedroom, you should give some thought to doing it differently. Boredom creeps in largely because of monotony, because sex becomes a chore. You wouldn’t have dal and chawal every night, so you shouldn’t make love the same way every time either. Vary the scene a bit each time – try sexy lingerie, different lighting, dirty talk, massages, different positions ... there are enough sources to find out how you can make an otherwise lukewarm sex life really steamy.

SEX RECIPE - ASK YOUR SPOUSE ?

Are you clairvoyant?

You’re not, right? Neither is your partner. It’s naive to assume they will just know what you want if they ‘really love you’. In fact, if you really love your partner, you should be the one taking the initiative to speak up and actually talk about what you want and what the two of you could improve upon in the bedroom. Don’t expect your lover to be superhuman and all knowing. It’s no fun making love to a perfect being anyway.

SEX RECIPES -STAY INFORMED !

Not very hot on info

It’s no secret that many people in the land of the Kamasutra are basically misinformed or under informed about sex. Conservative families, the burden of upholding our ‘culture’ and embarrassment prevent people from going to the bedroom armed with at least enough information about sex and the body. But with the amount of information available on the net, you can easily educate yourself about how your partner’s body works and what is pleasurable. After that, it’s all a matter of trial (and a few errors) to figure out how you both can have the most fun.

ARE COUPLES WATCHING PORN ?

Sex is a natural act of love between couples which is incomplete without deep feelings for each another.

But what if your sex life is witnessing a lull where the action between the sheets is lifeless and thoroughly unimaginative. To battle this dry spell, a lot of modern couples are taking recourse to watching sexually explicit videos in an effort to spice up their conjugal relationships.

Pornography is as old as human kind and most couples sometime or the other have viewed some sort of pornography together. From "soft" porn scenes in Hollywood flicks like Unfaithful with Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez, or Body Heat starring Kathleen Turner and William Hurt to triple X rated movies, a lot of couples have taken recourse to sampling pornography. Observing couples in an erotic sex act has always been an eye opener for many as much as it forms a source of pleasure.

At times, pornography is a potent catalyst which has helped enhance the sexual act between married couples who may be ignorant about experimental sex moves. Coming to their rescue, where pornography has helped them master new techniques and "ways to pleasure" each other.

The viewing of pornography is no longer considered as "sinful” as getting aroused via suggestive visuals often leads to couples indulging each other in bold sexual moves. Instances of modern couples filming their love act like their Hollywood counterparts also abound. Even therapists seem to suggest that pornography as a unique a way to revive sexual desire.

The only problems arise when both partners are not open to watching porn together. Take the case of Nishta (name changed), 28, a product manager in Mumbai who tolerates her man's habit of watching pornography, but claims to feeling deeply insecure with his penchant for the perfectly sculpted bodies of the porn stars.

She says,” My husband told me lots of his friends' girlfriends have gone in for plastic surgery to get that perfect hot bod. He claims that I'll possess an awesome body. But, I'm unsure whether surgery will improve our sex life. My husband is selfish sexually and I blame his obsession with pornography for it".