MARRIAGE AND INFIDELITY !

Can marriage survive infidelity? What happens when “it could never happen to us” does happen? “Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.” (Sex and the City) When Aarti asked her husband about his credit card bill that mentioned shopping from an exquisite women’s store and stay at an expensive hotel, he blushed and then turned pale. Tears rolled down Aarti’s eyes, she found it hard to breathe and thought, "Could this really be happening to me?" Infidelity can be devastating. When discovered, it upends a marriage and creates chaos in the family. Statistics from a poll indicate that although 90% of married people disapprove of extramarital relationships (source: Sexual Infidelity among Married and Cohabiting Americans by Judith Treas, Deirdre Giese) . Ironically, one in five married men and more than one in 10 married women have extramarital affairs, which may range from casual flings to long-term relationships and emotional attachments. And the age-old opinion that men are the only ones who cheat in a relationship is a myth. As hard as it may be for some of us to accept, women cheat too. They are equally likely as their male counterparts to cheat in a relationship. When told this, Mayank Sharma, married for eight years, stated, "Taboos about female sexuality are fading away. From boardroom to the bedroom, women are breaking free of traditional roles and embracing independence. So, the news doesn’t come as a surprise to me; however, it makes me a bit uneasy." What happens when "It could never happen to us" does? Can one night of passion or a few exchanges of emotional expressions ruin 10 years of marriage? This international debate, ignited by Bill Clinton's serial infidelities, posed the million-dollar question - "whether or not marriages can survive infidelity?" Surprisingly, the answer from therapists, experts and couples who have sailed through it is "YES." Once the secret is out, it causes immense upheaval. Sometimes it ends an already troubled marriage and sometimes it strengthens a marriage that needed to be put back on course. "An affair does not mean end of the marriage," says Dr. Veera Mohan, a marriage counselor who has dealt with numerous troubled relationships. "Marriages can get stronger when the couple deals with the affair constructively." Love, romance and even trust can be rebuilt into a better and stronger union after the misery of infidelity. However, 'working things out' may not be something that you would like to do as soon as you discover that your partner has cheated on you. "I would kill my husband and the other woman in his life if I come to know of his affair" is what Shweta Sharma, a house wife, has to say. However, once you are in the situation, there are a lot of factors that can influence your thought process and decision. Neha Joshi, a TV journalist, who faced tough times due to her spouse’s involvement with another woman, explains, "At first even I thought of murdering him. I was shocked, how could he do this to me? And to our marriage vows? I was hurt and I was angry. Then, I thought of our children, families and the happy times we have lived together. I finally decided to give my marriage a second chance."