TROUBLE IN PARADISE !

Hollywood singer Cheryl and footballer hubby Ashley Cole cleared rumours of their split in a matured and composed manner. Marriage counsellors often advise troubled couples with many issues. Here are a few oft-encountered ones. Financial Issues: Money is among the top reasons couples argue. Different salaries, spending habits, and attitudes about money make it a controversial topic. Money spending habits are a very common marriage problem. Often one person is a saver and the other is a free spender. This can lead to a great deal of stress in any marriage when the couple is already fairly tight on finances, or when one spouse is far more frugal than the other. Infidelity: Extra marital affair can range from a one night drunken mistake to a long term, planned affair. Infidelity happens when feelings of depression, stress, or just being overwhelmed with the pressures of life can cause some people to neglect their physical appearance and hygiene. The other partner may not feel attracted to their spouse Another reason for looking outside of marriage is when couples become demanding of one another. A wife or husband may not realise that nagging and complaining is demanding. It puts a lot of pressure on a spouse to be a certain way for the other. And what if they do not, or cannot perform in the way you think they should. They tend to look for some peace outside their marriage and this may turn into infidelity. Recipe for happy marriage: Communication is the key ingredient to any successful marriage. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or accusing each other. While couple communicate they should avoid getting defensive, the pitch of the tone should be observed. Let not the bitterness spoil your communication; address the issue calmly and resolve your arguments with logic and reason. We are all unique and wired differently; naturally we all have some flaws. The wisdom is to accept these flaws and appreciate the positive qualities your spouse has. Empathy is important in marriage. Empathy isn’t the same as sympathy. It means being able to put yourself in another’s position, to feel what they feel and see what they see, And it means you do all that even though you may disagree with a partner’s perception, opinions, or feelings. Take few minutes a day, to empathise with the stresses and strains you are each experiencing in other areas of your life. Settle down fights and bitterness: ‘I am sorry’ – It is that magic word which will surely work wonders. Never hesitate to say sorry if you are wrong and see the difference that it makes. It is advisable not to bring the past as it will only exacerbate the sourness. Be calm and above all forget and forgive. If you have to disagree, do it devotedly. There will be lots of times when you and your spouse won’t have the same opinion at all in some aspects. Don’t make your point sound like a criticism to your partner. It doesn’t matter who is in the wrong or right. Always bear in mind that an argument doesn’t need a winner or a loser.