WILD AND WICKED !

Let go of your inhibitions, get more vocal and play some games. Read on to find out what else can help you add that zing to your love life...

Contrary to popular belief, enjoying a great sex life is not all about possessing technical skills. What is more important is to be able to let go and enjoy the act with your partner. Most people will agree that the key to having fun in bed is to have an equally enthusiastic lover. You need to be able to shut out the rest of the world and focus on enjoying yourself with your partner. Forget about the worries of the day and just concentrate on having a great sensual experience.

Here are some tips to help you let go in bed:

Live in the moment

Create the perfect romantic ambience for you and your lover. Make sure that your space is clutter-free so that while you are getting intimate, your mind does not wander to household bills or pending office work. It's hard to be unrestrained in bed if you are concerned about other things.

Ensure that there are no distractions. Turn the lights dim, put the phone off the hook and play some soft music; anything that can help bring out the passion. Concentrate solely on the intimacy that you and your partner share. Grab your lover close and stroke your partner's hair. Once you reach a certain comfort level, you will be all set for a wild night.

SEDUCTION OF SENSES !

You can touch my hair and kiss me everywhere... Does it sound too clichéd or rather boring way to seduce your partner? Are you tired of reading the same old techniques of seduction?

Well, what about going back to the basics? And nothing can be more basic than the five senses - sense of sight, sense of smell, sense of taste, sense of hearing, sense of touch. These can really keep things sizzling hot during sex. Vatsayan would have definitely vouched for that! We get modern day experts to share more on it...

To keep the flames burning in your sex-life, you must fine-tune your seduction skills. With fingers busy, mouths, lips, tongues, noses, and eyes enticed, sensuousness will linger in every move to make you the most desirable man or woman of seduction.

Rita Gangwani, an etiquette expert, shares, “Sometimes we take the senses so much for granted that we don't really pay attention to them. Working to develop the five senses and focusing on them while making love, drawing attention to his/her sensuousness will not only enhance your own pleasure, but will give pleasure to your lover as well.”

Dr. Sanjay Chugh, expert on sexual issues, says, “The seduction tips that one can employ also depends on ‘overall’ quality of the couple's relationship. If there is a healthy emotional and psychological bond between the two, the chances of a good sex life is high. And in case, if one incorporates a few out-of-the-box techniques, then it’s definitely some icing on the cake!”

Psychiatrist Dr. Samir Parikh supports, “Couples need to keep trying to make things work for them but the key is not just trying new things, its more to be attuned to each others likes, fantasies and pleasures so that a mutually satisfying relationship could result. They can try various permutations and combinations of these seduction ways on their personalities.”

On how these five senses work towards stimulating the libido of male/female partner, Dr. Parikh explains, “Most of these factors (senses) have an association in our mind, so they act as a conditioned stimulus, and can help creating the atmosphere. But the key would be the mutuality and the quality of the non-sexual life would have its direct impact on the sexual life.”

Rita adds, “One must be aware to the fact that human body is bristling with sensory receptors - God’s gift to humankind - it’s up to us to responsibly enjoy it. One must give body the permission to celebrate what’s inside; celebrate it with oneself, and with the partner. We must take time to really learn the subtle but very powerful art of seducing the opposite sex using all five senses.”

These are simple yet extremely seductive ways.

MORE THAN JUST SEX !

When your relationship isn't a humdrum affair, then why should your sex life be dull and lifeless? There's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex.

A marvelous sexual connection includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with perhaps. Check out the different kinds of love making acts you and your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.

Experimental sex
Couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. "Try pushing the regular comfort zones. It may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; you can even go for thrilling experiences like making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place." explains Meera Wahi, married for last nine years.

Why to try : There's nothing like the moment when you're struggling for breath thinking, "That was amazing, we've never done that before." Experts suggest that no matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have an earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while. What's more try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you two, create an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship. So, go ahead and clue in to your partner's covert bedroom urges to transform the every-night mediocre sex to a mind-blowing encounter. You'll harvest the sensually gratifying perks too.

Necessary sex
Necessary sex can be explained as 'just-for-the-heck-of-it sex', which is vital for a long-term relationship to retain its sexual spark. These are your very special, intimate 'me-time' moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift spirits. Supports Mihika, a 31-year-old, new mom, "As a new mom, I am tired most of the times. However, I make special effort to get going in the bed and this makes me feel closer to him. Even if the sex isn't that good, it feels like the relationship has become stronger."

Why to try : Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good about your sexual prowess. Experts say that regular physical contact actually tunes the brain into the need to feel emotionally close. By making sex a regular habit, you can open new avenues of bonding as a couple. Moreover, doing it sometimes when you are not in the perfect mood can gear you up for something much hotter the next time around. And most importantly, don't forget how much a hit-the-roof orgasm does to keep your sex spark bright.

Bummer sex
Admit it, for it's something that's bound to happen. An awkward grunt, a stupid expression, somebody walking in unexpectedly or may be slipping down the bed, all of us can have these embarrassing moments that we would like to ideally forget. Akhil, a 27-year-old choreographer, recollects, "We'd been together since last one year. The last time we were having sex, her roommate just walked in. We didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we laughed our heart out. The voyeurism added to the fire, needless to say."

Why to try : Don't fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship, say experts. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and often provides the sexual thrill which can last a lifetime. React positively to embarrassing sexual mishaps and she will add funny, cute and smart to her mental list of reasons as to why she chooses to be intimate with you.

PERSONAL SEX MACHINES !

Want to add some more action in the bedroom? Well, all your 'naughty’ wishes are about to be fulfilled, all thanks to personal sex machines that kick pleasure into overdrive.

From the smooth, silent glide of the Monkey Rocker Tango to Le Chair's ability to put two people into a dozen compromising positions, the new products and prototypes unveiled at this week's Adult Novelty Expo straddle the line between toy and machine.

The evolutionary equipments have been recently unveiled by engineers at Adult Novelty Expo, which help improve people's dull sex life, reports Wired News.

Monkey Rocker, is an amazing cybersex accessory, a silent machine that responds to your body motions without any complicated control panels or need for batteries.

It is handmade from powder-coated, 100 percent recovered and recycled wood fibre -- PermaCore MDF, and can handle up to 400 pounds.

The engineers also introduced robotic sex chair, Le Chair developed California Exotic Novelties (NSFW), based on love furniture already available in Japan. Le Chair comes with motors in the seat and back supports that can pound, vibrate or stroke. One seat adjusts up and down to place lovers in optimal positions for various intimate activities, and both sides provide arm and leg support as well.

A representative confided that the company plans to work with programs to help get Le Chairs to war veterans wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan at low or no cost.

Then came up Menage-A-Tool, which is an adjustable, lightweight rod with two attachments for various dildos, which can penetrate two people at a time and still have one hand free for someone else.

The new Monkey Rocker Tango brings the cyber sex experience offline when an individual would meet his/her online lover in person, they can both ride it at the same time as long as their combined weight is less than 450 pounds. The Tango also works for folks who skip the whole cybersex thing and just have a regular ol'' fashioned, in-person relationship.

Power Bullet doubles as a muscle massager and hides its complex machinery inside a velvety, matte-black cylinder. Straddling it on a pillow is going to be a lot more effective at relaxing muscles and relieving stress. Its motors provide a deep throbbing touch and its single button offers a simplicity much appreciated by tired tech workers with wrist pain.

Imatah is a custom-made dildo mounted on a plate connected to a mechanism that can pump straight in and out or move in an oval pattern.

It weighs about 5 pounds and comes with a fabric sleeve that hides its legs and prevents the machine from falling off the bed when in use.

CAN A FLING SAVE A MARRIAGE ?

A fling can actually save your failing marriage It may not seem likely, but having an affair can be the very thing that saves your failing marriage, says a new controversial self-help book. Marriage therapist Mira Kirshenbaum the author of the tome ‘When Good People Have Affairs’ says that the 'right kind' of affair is not such a bad thing for a marriage. According to the Telegraph , Ms Kirshenbaum says that an affair acts as the catalyst that jolts "people from their inertia". "Sometimes an affair can be the best way for the person who has been unfaithful to get the information and impetus to change," she told The Observer . "I'm not encouraging affairs, but underlying the complicated mess is a kind of deep and delicate wisdom. It's an insight that something isn't working and needs to change." However, her book is not aimed by ‘creeps’ but decent people, who know that they have made a mistake while looking for real happiness and love. "These people are suffering terribly and need to be relieved of their sense of guilt and shame because those emotions are paralysing," she said. "If handled right, an affair can be therapeutic, give clarity and jolt people from their inertia. You could think of it as a radical but necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator." But Ms Kirshenbaum is convinced that the last thing a philanderer should do, is confess the affair to their partner. "This is the one area in which the truth usually creates far more damage in the long run," she said. "If you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can."

MEN AND INFIDELITY !

It’s not ‘just’ about sex! Many believe that men are genetically wired to have multiple sex partners; while others feel this is just an excuse that the weaker of the species resort to when they feel the urge for some action between the sheets. Like it or not, but men do cheat - that’s not to say that women don’t, they certainly do but in this article we will look male infidelity. Coming back to the point, it is commonly believed that sex is the root cause of male infidelity; that boys will be boys, and it’s all about the basic desire to satisfy the male libido. Wrong! Believe it or not, having another woman in his life is not all about sex. Kya Kool Hain Hum “Gone are the days when men desired another woman for satisfying their male libidos! Nowadays it has become more of a status issue, especially among male friends’ where one tends to flaunt that they are going around with more than one woman at one time,” says Yash Batra, married for 14 years. Adman Prahlad Kakkar says, “Having another woman in life has become a ‘trophy’ thing for men today. Some just dump their wives and look out for a new woman half their age because when a wife turns 50, she gets fat and no longer looks as beautiful. And those ‘uncle types’ men, who have become industrialists and now hang out with cooler people are worried about taking their wife out. So, they end up picking a hot 23-year-old chick as arm candy to make their friends feel jealous. But they fail to realise that these ‘trophy girlfriends’ are just eyeing their bank balance.” Ask film-maker Raj Kaushal, married to Mandira Bedi and he fully agrees, “Its all about choosing between ‘Who I am’, and ‘What I want’ attitude. Having a fling or a one night stand is different from having a full fledged affair. Eighty per cent of men talk more than they do, just to show how sexually competent they are, not only with their wives but another woman too. For them, it’s more about showing off among friends that ‘look I am so cool and yours is a boring life’ but they are just fooling themselves.” Experts Speak Experts believe that more than physical attraction, it’s a desire to flaunt male prowess that makes men pick ‘trophy girlfriends’. Leading psychiatrist Dr. Sanjay Chugh states, “Maybe these men believe in the phrase 'the more the merrier' which is why the so called deprived ones’ feel jealous and inadequate and the protagonist is almost made to feel like the king!” “Just like for some having an expensive car, dining at the finest of restaurants, wearing branded clothes, carrying branded accessories, going for luxurious holidays means attaining a high status among their social circle, for some men - for whom women unfortunately might be perceived as mere commodities - having an attractive woman by their side could be a symbol of status or power.” Psychiatrist Dr. Samir Parikh elaborates, “If any section of men thinks that infidelity gives them a status in society, I believe that they don’t have substance in themselves and need to show multiple partners in life.” Dr. Sanjeeta Kundu, consultant, clinical psychologist at Max Healthcare, adds: “Men with a not-so-well established self-consciousness can cash-in on such tactics. This not only indicates their poor self-esteem but also shows how they minimise the importance of a woman to mere objects that satisfy materialistic needs.” The last word.... These men may seem to have it all – money, power, status, yes and so-called ‘trophy girlfriends’. But alas, all that glitters is not gold... TV actor Aamir Ali in a committed relationship says: “Undoubtedly, these men are mere attention seekers who aren’t confident about their personality and comfort level when they are with friends. Just to prove their superiority, they opt for such bizarre things of flaunting their relationships.” Kakkar supports, “A man who pretends to prefer ‘status’ to ‘sex’ can be a total wannabe who is so desperate for acknowledgement among the peer group that he is flaunting a second or maybe third / fourth woman in his life with whom he can wine, dine and enjoy. Even if the girl, in real, disagrees to mingle up with the men in the desired way, he would still show off among friends as to how hot she is in bed.”

TROUBLE IN PARADISE !

Hollywood singer Cheryl and footballer hubby Ashley Cole cleared rumours of their split in a matured and composed manner. Marriage counsellors often advise troubled couples with many issues. Here are a few oft-encountered ones. Financial Issues: Money is among the top reasons couples argue. Different salaries, spending habits, and attitudes about money make it a controversial topic. Money spending habits are a very common marriage problem. Often one person is a saver and the other is a free spender. This can lead to a great deal of stress in any marriage when the couple is already fairly tight on finances, or when one spouse is far more frugal than the other. Infidelity: Extra marital affair can range from a one night drunken mistake to a long term, planned affair. Infidelity happens when feelings of depression, stress, or just being overwhelmed with the pressures of life can cause some people to neglect their physical appearance and hygiene. The other partner may not feel attracted to their spouse Another reason for looking outside of marriage is when couples become demanding of one another. A wife or husband may not realise that nagging and complaining is demanding. It puts a lot of pressure on a spouse to be a certain way for the other. And what if they do not, or cannot perform in the way you think they should. They tend to look for some peace outside their marriage and this may turn into infidelity. Recipe for happy marriage: Communication is the key ingredient to any successful marriage. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or accusing each other. While couple communicate they should avoid getting defensive, the pitch of the tone should be observed. Let not the bitterness spoil your communication; address the issue calmly and resolve your arguments with logic and reason. We are all unique and wired differently; naturally we all have some flaws. The wisdom is to accept these flaws and appreciate the positive qualities your spouse has. Empathy is important in marriage. Empathy isn’t the same as sympathy. It means being able to put yourself in another’s position, to feel what they feel and see what they see, And it means you do all that even though you may disagree with a partner’s perception, opinions, or feelings. Take few minutes a day, to empathise with the stresses and strains you are each experiencing in other areas of your life. Settle down fights and bitterness: ‘I am sorry’ – It is that magic word which will surely work wonders. Never hesitate to say sorry if you are wrong and see the difference that it makes. It is advisable not to bring the past as it will only exacerbate the sourness. Be calm and above all forget and forgive. If you have to disagree, do it devotedly. There will be lots of times when you and your spouse won’t have the same opinion at all in some aspects. Don’t make your point sound like a criticism to your partner. It doesn’t matter who is in the wrong or right. Always bear in mind that an argument doesn’t need a winner or a loser.

CHEATING ON YOUR MATE ?

Are we meant to cheat on our mates? Washington: Often caught cheating on their spouses, a new research asks whether humans are supposed to be monogamous at the first place. Out of roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans), only 3 percent to 5 percent are known to form lifelong, monogamous bonds, with the loyal superstars including beavers, wolves and some bats. A cheating hubby who detours for a romantic romp yet returns home in time to tuck in the kids at night would be considered socially monogamous, a term which is used to refer to creatures that pair up to mate and raise offspring but still have flings. Scientists' explanation for monogamy varies. Evolutionary psychologists have suggested that men are more likely to have extramarital sex, partially because of the male urge to ‘spread genes’ by broadcasting sperm. While some say that the committed partnership between a man and a woman evolved for the well-being of children. "The human species has evolved to make commitments between males and females in regards to raising their offspring, so this is a bond," Live Science quoted Jane Lancaster, evolutionary anthropologist at the University of New Mexico, as saying. "However that bond can fit into all kinds of marriage patterns – polygyny, single parenthood, monogamy,” Lancaster added. The human species is somewhat unique amongst mammals in that fathers do invest in raising children. "We do know that in humans we do have this pretty strong pair bond, and there's more paternal investment than in most other primates," said Daniel Kruger, a social and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health. "We're special in this regard, but at the same time like most mammals, we are a polygynous species," Kruger said. Whether or not the married or otherwise committed individuals stray for sex depends on the costs and benefits. "There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex. Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it. Women, however, could lose ‘dad's’ resources when it comes to raising their kids. For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster said. Some scientists view both social and sexual monogamy in humans as a societal structure rather than a natural state. "I don't think we are a monogamous animal. A really monogamous animal is a goose – which never mates again even if its mate is killed. She added, "Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural,’" said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.

GENERATION Y WOMEN

A friend mentioned last night how his pal in Bristol got dumped by his girlfriend and was feeling extremely sore about it. The reason? After dating the girl for eight months, the guy had casually mentioned kids (amid mushy pillow talks) and that completely freaked her out.

It may not be so surprising in the West but have you ever come across similar desi tales? A few years ago, the answer would have been: Are you kidding? Because, at that time, the only goal of a woman was to get married and have children.

But today, things seem to changing at a cosmic pace. After years of grovelling for commitment from their partners, women have simply turned the tables. Gen Y women are seemingly running away from the “C” word.

“And why not?” asks Devika Bhartiya, a senior manager with a leading beverage company. “Women became movers and shakers in a world previously dominated by men. These new achievements mean new attitudes, even in the areas of love and marriage.”

Why things are falling apart...
No matter what you call it – sexual revolution, women’s lib or the “been there, done that” attitude of social climbers, the results never vary. Here are the new women with an enormous sense of entitlement – reluctant to put up with less-than-perfect behaviour.

“Women today are really strong and show it off in their actions, too,” explains Dr. Sanjay Chugh. “They believe in using mind power while making their choice instead of knuckling under social obligations and conforming to gender stereotypes. Their ability to take risks has gone up a few notches and that is why we see this radical shift.”

Shikha Verma, a young entrepreneur, fully agrees with Chugh. “Today’s women can assert themselves better and take their own decisions. So we are now a bit selective and want to do things the way it suits us.”

Not only are women exercising their choice, men too are feeling at sea with this apparent role reversal. As, Palak Majumdar, a Delhi-based tarot-card reader, says: “I think men have become wary of women’s so-called liberation and sense of freedom. The ability of the fair sex to call the shots within the bounds of a relationship has tossed the normal pattern and gender role. As a result, men feel lost and hardly know how to handle this recent trend.”

Commitment Phobia: Why does it occur?
Mention “commitment phobia” and you will find people whining about men. However, it is no longer an exclusive male phenomenon as relationship boundaries have just changed. Let’s face it – for the new-age woman, it’s difficult to commit to a hair colour even, let alone a full-fledged, long-term relationship. But it’s not simply skittishness or whimsical behaviour that keeps women away from commitment. There are more solid reasons behind this phenomenon ...

SPY ON YOUR SPOUSE !

Melbourne: The frantic “Where r u?” text message has been shown the door, thanks to the new service –which has now been introduced in Australia – that allows mobile phone users to locate their spouses and friends. The creator of the service, Michael Robson recently launched the service, called Mapmates, after 14 months in the planning. The service helps friends, family members and workmates find one another on a map using the GPS navigation systems in their mobile phones. Once two users have accepted one another as "mates", they can view each other's most recently updated location on the Mapmates website or through an application on their phone. Similar mobile phone tracking services have been launched recently in the US and Europe, sparking concerns that parents, partners and employers could misuse the technology. The most controversial of the services, Social Network Integrated Friend Finder, or SNIFF, offers an application for Facebook to allow users to track others through the social networking website. Robson said he came up with the idea after hearing about the increasing speed of mobile internet access in Australia, and watching his twin 19-year-old sons visit websites and SMS several friends to formulate weekend plans. "One of my sons came home at 5pm and started visiting Facebook and MySpace trying to find out where the latest party was. Then he started texting friends on his mobile. An hour later he had the information and was out of the house. About half an hour later, my other son got home and did the same thing. I thought there had to be an easier way to do this,” News.com.au quoted him, as saying. After teaming up with some computer programmers, Robson was able to bring his idea to life. Mapmates is a Java application suitable for any GPS-enabled mobile phone with Internet access. Users must download and install the program on their phone, and register their details with Mapmates to use the service. Once set up, the Mapmates program sends your location co-ordinates to its web servers, and your location can be accessed by registered users you have allowed to see your details. Likewise, you can see their locations. You can find your friends either by looking online, with their location pinpointed on Google Maps, or through a map image sent to your mobile phone.

HONEY...YOU'RE TRAPPED !

When Richard Martinez goes out clubbing at night, it's not partying that surrounds his mind - the British bloke's target is to flirt and flatter a woman, so that he can test their fidelity.

The 38-year-old former RAF officer "honey trapper", who owns the Expedite Detective Agency, charges 300 pounds for an integrity test on a potential cheat.

It carries out surveillance and missing persons enquiries, as well as up to 100 honey traps a year. The muscle bound hunk earns 300 pounds a night, which are given by suspicious husbands and boyfriends to test the fidelity of their partners.

"I act as the eyes and ears of any anxious man who suspects his partner of cheating. I offer proof if his wife or ill stray," The Sun quoted him, as saying. Almost every weekend, Richard heads to a location arranged with a client and waits for the "target".

Usually aged from her late 20s to early 40s, the woman will be with two or three mates and dressed for a girls' night out. She will normally be showing a lot of leg or cleavage but rarely both, reckons Richard. And her looks will vary vastly.

At some point, Richard will catch the woman's eye and smile, before moving in to tempt her into four "cheating" crimes. She fails his test if she says she is single, swaps phone numbers, arranges a date or lunges at him.

About half the women he meets open the conversation themselves but Richard has plenty of lines ready if they don't. Their chat can last for hours or just minutes if the target gives him the cold shoulder.

Richard said: "What I do is enticement, not entrapment. I'm not encouraging women to do something they wouldn't otherwise do.

"I never touch a target or force her to talk to me. Ideally, she'd speak first but if I do have to initiate conversation, I'll be more chatty than flirtatious and just try to react to things she says," he added.

Nearly half the women Richard tests take the bait. A few lean in for a kiss and one or two make a grab for his wedding tackle too.

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MAKING A MARRIAGE CLICK !

There are many reasons why a marriage fails. It has been observed that many marriages go through different developmental stages and predictable crises. But because people are unfamiliar with the usual ups and downs of marriage, these predictable transitional periods are often misunderstood, causing over-reactions. Those who manage to ward off these stormy periods usually come out with greater love and respect for their spouses. When it comes to marriage – adjustment, co-operation and above all compromise, becomes an essential aspect. Understanding the problem Many couples do not realise that the difference between criticism and complain. Criticism involves attacking someone’s nature rather than their behaviour. Everyone has the right to crib and complain. Venting out what you feel is a healthy marital activity, and much healthier than suppressing your feelings. Criticism, on the other hand, entails blaming, making a personal attack or an accusation. Whereas complaints usually begin with the word ‘I’, criticisms begin with ‘you’. For example, “I expect a small gift from you sometimes,” is a complaint. “You never buy me anything and this is what I hate about you,” is a criticism. When couples criticise each other they attack each other’s self-esteem. Lack of intimacy is one of those very common problems that shakes the very foundation of a marriage and upturns a loving and caring relationship. A considerable decline in physical affection is also counted as one of the most recognised symptoms of a failing or a bad relationship. Stop giving the silent treatment A common marriage problem is stonewalling and it appears when you simply stop responding, even defensively, to your partner's accusations. Most stonewallers (about 85 per cent) are men. Feeling overwhelmed by emotions and the problems, the marriage is facing, they start withdrawing. They try to avoid confrontations and arguments, keep their faces immobile, and avoid eye contact. They prefer turning their back and sleeping rather than solving the issue leaving their spouse fuming. Getting rid of habits that irritate These are some instances that can irritate your partner to a great extent. Leaving the toilet seat up and forgetting to flush, keeping the cell phone at odd places and not able to find it when needed have become some of the most common irritating habits that frequently provoke issues between couples. However, there are other irritating personal habits likely to cause problems including: Bad driving Not sharing household chores (Including not looking after children) Leaving a mess in any part of the house Not sharing the TV remote Personal hygiene Amount of time spent on personal interests rather than with partner Amount of time spent getting ready and even the choice of clothes Avoid infidelity Extramarital affairs can range from a having a one-night fling in a drunken state to a long-term, planned affair. Infidelity happens when feelings of depression, stress, or just being overwhelmed with the pressures of life take over. These can cause some people to neglect their physical appearance and hygiene. The other partner may not feel attracted to his/her spouse anymore. Another reason for looking outside the marriage is when couples become very demanding. A wife or husband may not realise that nagging and complaining is demanding. It puts a lot of pressure on a spouse to be a certain way for the other. Recipe for a happy relationship Communication is the key. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or accusing each other. While couples communicate, they should avoid getting defensive, the pitch or the tone should be observed. Empathy is important in marriage. This means being able to put yourself in another’s position.

MY GOD... HE'S MARRIED !

Life could be difficult when you realise that the man you have fallen in love with is married... What do dating a married man and devouring a hot fudge sundae loaded with almonds, whipped cream and lots of sauce have in common? Both taste devilishly good, and both are sinfully bad for you. Sure, it’s human nature to want what you shouldn’t have. But while the ice cream concoction might expand your hips, loving someone else’s man can twist your heart in ways that are infinitely more disturbing than a little weight gain and much harder to bounce back from. ALL ALONE If it’s fear of commitment that compels you to seek out men with wedding rings on their fingers, you’ll be seeing clearly when you’re spending the majority of your Saturday nights alone waiting to see if he can sneak out and see you. QUEEN OF DENIAL Many women who succumb to the lure of the married man say, “Oh, I can handle it. I won’t fall in love.” Uh, huh. And rain isn’t wet. When you have any sort of relationship with someone you care about, he becomes a part of your life. And you inevitably want more involvement. Only the more you want, the less he gives. And let’s not forget the “once a cheater, always a cheater” factor. CAN YOU COUNT ON HIM? Even if he changes his cheating ways for you, do you really want to be that woman — the one who wreaked havoc on his marriage in the first place? Speaking of his marriage, even if you’re convinced that he’s going to leave her, don’t delude yourself into thinking that this is a simple process. YOU MIGHT END UP LONELY What you have when you love a married man is a fleeting thing, a wave that crashes over you (perhaps knocking you down), then vanishes into the ocean. That’s it. You can never put his name down on an application form under “Who to call in an emergency”. You can never count on him for weekends or holidays. The seeming magic offered by the married man is style, not substance; it’s a trick mirror. He’s a master of the art of illusion. When darkness turns to dawn, he’s gone and you’ve got footprints on your heart. Resist his lure.

WOMEN ARE ONTO CYBER SEX !

Sex is not just confined to bedroom anymore, for women have found their sex haven in the virtual world as well.

One in five Aussie women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom, reveals a new survey. Conducted by author Joan Sauers for her new book Sex Lives of Australian Women , the survey questioned nearly 2000 women from around the country.

The survey also revealed that more than 50 per cent women in Australia had sent or received a sexual text message and one in five have starred in their own sex tape. "As a society, we increasingly rely on technology to get the job done, whatever the job is. Have Australian women joined the cyber-sexual revolution?" News.com.au quoted Joan Sauers, as writing in the book.

The results indicated that the most avid participants are women in their 20s (26 per cent) followed by those in their 50s (21 per cent). In fact, a large number of women said that they found net sex "liberating", "exciting", "guilt-free", empowering and safe, ensuring that there was no chance of STDS or pregnancy. However, there were others who described the experience as "empty", "unfulfilling", "demeaning", "tacky" and "pretty lame".

But, Joan said that the number of women who had good experiences with chat room sex was twice more than those who had bad experiences. One of the aspects of cyber sex is the use of webcam, for many women use it either with their partner or with strangers. The survey also showed that young women are increasingly getting hooked to text sex using their mobile phones. While 70 per cent of women in their twenties had engaged in sexual SMS exchanges, the figure was 44 per cent for those in their forties and 34 per cent for women in their fifties.

In the mean time, 22 per cent of women in their twenties and 20 per cent of women in their thirties had been filmed or taped having sex. While some enjoyed the experience, not many were thrilled on seeing the results. In fact, a lot of them said they didn't like seeing themselves on film because they looked "fat". "It was fine, but to tell you the truth...watching it again was hilarious...not erotic...my arse was NOT ever meant to be on a tape," responded a 33-year-old mother from Western Australia.

HI TECH DETECTION OF INFIDELITY

Men having a fling behind their partner's back better be on the alert, for a new hi-tech spy gear has come to town that can read every text message you've sent or received - even the deleted ones - as well as track your every move and listen in on all your conversations.

There's even an over-the-counter semen detection kit that can unequivocally reveal infidelity.

Craig Mitchell, the revolutionary gadget’s retailer in Brisbane, is struggling to keep up with demand.

"We have difficulty keeping stock up with the SIM Card Recovery Pro," News.com.au quoted Mitchell, who owns OzSpy security systems at Tingalpa on Brisbane's eastside, as saying.

"The beauty of that product is that it can read deleted messages off a SIM card. But our biggest seller when it comes to infidelity products has always been the CheckMate kit which is a semen detection kit,” he added.

Other spy gear includes a key logger which can capture and decode every letter you type as well as a device which looks like an electrical extension cord but has a mobile phone transmitter and microphone embedded in it.

Suspicious partners can silently call the cord from anywhere in the world and listen in to conversations occurring within a 15m radius of the device - perfect surveillance equipment to catch out an office affair.

SHE IS LOSING INTEREST IN SEX !

A study has revealed that women are fast losing interest in sex.

And this has been revealed by a number of 40-something men. Loss of libido in women, or low sexual desire, is the most common sexual problem for members of the fair sex and the major reason why they seek sex therapy. It affects upto 33 per cent to 67 per cent of women, depending on how sexual desire is defined and reported. And men aren’t beyond this too. But since it only affects about half as many men as women, it is nowhere close to men’s top sex problems.

Loss of Libido

Sexual desire is one of the most difficult factors to define for the simple reason that it is more psychological than physiological. Loss of libido refers to a lack of interest in sex for a prolonged period. Most women are conscious of this feeling. And unfortunately, many of these ladies don’t like the idea of confessing it to their husbands.

Normal in women?

It is important to understand that the loss of libido is not a disorder. How can it be a dysfunction if one-third of all women, no matter what their age, report that they lose interest in sex? Low sexual desire is an understandable result of an imbalance in your life. It may root to your relationship, your stress, or simply, changes in your body.

Secondly, just because loss of libido in women is common, it doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.

Even worse, losing interest in sex can mean you miss out on a lot more than simply one of life’s few non-fattening pleasures. It can begin to drain the passion out of the rest of your life, as well.

Causes of loss of libido

Biology: Sex can have serious consequences for women – a baby for starters, to take care of for the next twenty years. Not surprising that females seem hard-wired to approach sex with slightly less abandon than males do.

Social conditioning: The messages women get from society with its double standards and attitudes towards sex, have a big affect on their sexual desire. Even with adult women who’ve been exposed to the Sex And The City culture, there is still a social conditioning prevalent that men are ‘studs’ if they are sexual, while women are ‘sluts’.

Quality of relationship: For women, desire is strongly elicited to the relationship. “If we don’t talk and connect, we don’t have sex,” they often say. It’s not what happens in the bedroom – their desire arises when they are interacting with their partner. If the quality of those intimate but non-sexual contacts aren’t being attended to, most women just won’t feel “in the mood.”
Hormones: Hormonal fluctuations with pregnancy, breast-feeding, and then with menopause a little later in life all can lessen desire to some extent.

Medications: Depression and the anti-depressants used to treat it can also inhibit desire. So also can certain blood pressure-lowering drugs. Conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids and thyroid disorders can also be a cause.

Life stages: Life changes – especially the birth of a child – can cause a loss of libido in women. It often occurs to women in their 20s with a child under five or six – their lack of interest doubles and triples. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out – physical stress and fatigue are also considered big factors.

LIVING APART IN MARRIAGE - 2

Sushant’s story was no different (name changed on request) who admits to having been bitten by the age old relationship destroying bug – ‘suspicion’, about his wife cheating on him while he was busy making dollars in the US.

“I felt anxious every time she didn’t answer the phone or hung up hurriedly saying she was busy,” Sushant recalls with a feeling of guilt but then quickly adds: “Looking back, I do feel I was wrong but I don’t really blame myself for distrusting her. Under those circumstances, I just had no other choice.”

Tonic of trust & communication
Staying away from one’s partner can be difficult as one literally struggles to settle in a new environment while the other begins to deal with daily chores almost single-handedly, to say nothing about the tough task of raising the kids. As a result, relations fail all too frequently and people often feel that a marriage cannot survive if the spouse stays away from home. But there are also those who believe in the 3C’s – Commitment, Communication and Care.

Believe it or not, for actress Suchitra Pillai the months apart from her husband were smooth sailing. She never felt insecure during the 11-month stay of hubby Lars in Vietnam. “We made a conscious effort to keep in touch over the phone and exchanged e-mails. And instant messengers for chatting always came to our rescue. But above all, I know that Lars is a very transparent person and cannot lie at all!

According to Pravin Acharya, best efforts and mutual interests are required to make a relationship work even amid difficulties. “Both partners must recall why they took the decision in the first place and trust each other,” he says. “It took me and my wife a great deal of effort and understanding to fit into our new frame of relationship,” he adds.

Distance: A cloud with a silver lining
Does the absence of your partner make you realise how much you need him/her? Does the ‘space’ actually make you more affectionate, more loving and caring?

“Sure! If partners think like that and not just focus on the not-so-pleasant side of it, the separation will be far more tolerable,” explains Dr. Sanjay Chugh, a psychiatrist. “Once parted, they will start appreciating each other and it is this realisation of worth that helps strengthen the nuptial bond even more.”

Ruby, a 32-year-old homemaker, felt just that and gained strength to survive the ordeal. After her husband went abroad, she became a Jane-of-all-trades and soon learnt basic skills like banking, plumbing and electrical work. She could even fix the car when it broke down! “The one thing we have both realised is that we never want to be apart like this again. But, in a sense, long distance has been the best of the worst thing for us,” she says.

It is true that distance makes the heart grow fonder but distance also brings its share of troubles and complexities, making it a fragile paradise. For couples committed to a long-distance relationship, it is, therefore, imperative to try and strike the right balance to keep their Garden of Eden blooming. Otherwise, it may be another paradise lost and an irretrievable fall from grace!

LIVING APART IN MARRIAGE !

If hundreds of miles separate you and your spouse, life cannot be a bed of roses. As Shubhi bade goodbye to her husband at the airport, a numb feeling clouded her heart. It would be a long time before she could see him again – the man who mattered most in her life. But her spouse had been transferred to California for three years and the decision to continue with the job was mutual as the promotion and the compensation package turned out to be pretty lucrative. “But what’s going to make up for the physical space between us?” she wondered. Blame it on career demands, parental health, children’s education or other equally crucial factors, millions of married couples are now compelled to stay apart – an ordeal that is fast taking its toll. The geographic divide is a matter of concern but it is the emotional insecurity, the fear of facing the world alone and the daily grind that leaves deeper scars at times. “I cheated on my wife!” Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a young television actor confessed that there were times during outdoor shoots when he had yielded to temptation and betrayed his wife. “When you are young and shooting miles away from your partner, you can’t help giving in to your physical needs. I know I am wrong to cheat on my wife... But it happened only because we were living away from each other for such lengthy periods,” he said. Do people tend to break trust just because they are living away from their partners? Does physical distance essentially lead to emotional distance and increased chances of infidelity? Dr. Rajan Bhonsle, a senior sex therapist and counsellor rubbishes such theories. “It’s a sick excuse given by people who are no longer loyal to their partners. There are no separate set of rules for long-distance couples and the chances of betrayal remain the same in all relationships. We have numerous examples of partners cheating on each other even when they live together. So the whole thing depends on how committed and loyal you are to each other,” he asserts. Long-distance troubles For Prachi Malhotra, the staying away has been far from easy. After two wonderful years of marriage, Prachi and her husband had to remain an ocean apart as he got a job with an international cruise liner while she was land-locked as a school teacher, and that was when things began to fall apart. “For days together, we were not in touch and I felt totally miserable pining to hear from him. Soon frustration crept in and even before we could realise it, our marriage was on the rocks,” she recollects. Though frequent visits to a marriage counsellor helped them survive, the terrible ordeal still haunts her.

MARRIAGE AND INFIDELITY !

Can marriage survive infidelity? What happens when “it could never happen to us” does happen? “Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.” (Sex and the City) When Aarti asked her husband about his credit card bill that mentioned shopping from an exquisite women’s store and stay at an expensive hotel, he blushed and then turned pale. Tears rolled down Aarti’s eyes, she found it hard to breathe and thought, "Could this really be happening to me?" Infidelity can be devastating. When discovered, it upends a marriage and creates chaos in the family. Statistics from a poll indicate that although 90% of married people disapprove of extramarital relationships (source: Sexual Infidelity among Married and Cohabiting Americans by Judith Treas, Deirdre Giese) . Ironically, one in five married men and more than one in 10 married women have extramarital affairs, which may range from casual flings to long-term relationships and emotional attachments. And the age-old opinion that men are the only ones who cheat in a relationship is a myth. As hard as it may be for some of us to accept, women cheat too. They are equally likely as their male counterparts to cheat in a relationship. When told this, Mayank Sharma, married for eight years, stated, "Taboos about female sexuality are fading away. From boardroom to the bedroom, women are breaking free of traditional roles and embracing independence. So, the news doesn’t come as a surprise to me; however, it makes me a bit uneasy." What happens when "It could never happen to us" does? Can one night of passion or a few exchanges of emotional expressions ruin 10 years of marriage? This international debate, ignited by Bill Clinton's serial infidelities, posed the million-dollar question - "whether or not marriages can survive infidelity?" Surprisingly, the answer from therapists, experts and couples who have sailed through it is "YES." Once the secret is out, it causes immense upheaval. Sometimes it ends an already troubled marriage and sometimes it strengthens a marriage that needed to be put back on course. "An affair does not mean end of the marriage," says Dr. Veera Mohan, a marriage counselor who has dealt with numerous troubled relationships. "Marriages can get stronger when the couple deals with the affair constructively." Love, romance and even trust can be rebuilt into a better and stronger union after the misery of infidelity. However, 'working things out' may not be something that you would like to do as soon as you discover that your partner has cheated on you. "I would kill my husband and the other woman in his life if I come to know of his affair" is what Shweta Sharma, a house wife, has to say. However, once you are in the situation, there are a lot of factors that can influence your thought process and decision. Neha Joshi, a TV journalist, who faced tough times due to her spouse’s involvement with another woman, explains, "At first even I thought of murdering him. I was shocked, how could he do this to me? And to our marriage vows? I was hurt and I was angry. Then, I thought of our children, families and the happy times we have lived together. I finally decided to give my marriage a second chance."

IS INFIDELITY INTOLERABLE ?

Infidelity, both emotional and physical, can ruin a relationship or at least to some extent damage it. However, there are people who have dealt with cheating partners and have survived and even restored their broken relationships.

Being involved with a man or woman who cheats on you can never be an easy thing to deal with. What makes matters worse is that very often, everyone around you might think they know what is best for you — but only lead you in the wrong direction.

Therefore, it is important for you to be equipped with the right kind of information about affairs, to be able to remove fact from fiction. Read on to know about the most common myths about affairs and clear any misconceived notion you might have:

There is a type
The myth: Most people think that a person who cheats is a ‘type’ and only those people would indulge in infidelity. Therefore, just because someone has a history of cheating they would probably cheat on every man or woman they are with. The reality: Given the right kind of circumstances anyone could be susceptible to cheating. Yes, while with some people it is a pattern, there are those who end up having an affair on an impulse and before they know it they are cheating on their partner. Therefore, do not live under the illusion that only a certain type of person will cheat. To be on the safe side, you and your partner could admit honestly to each other what circumstances could make you slip and then just avoid those situations.

Boredom leads to affairs
The myth: It is a common myth that most affairs are a result of long-term boredom that one of the two lovers might be feeling. The reality: This is not true at all. Boredom has nothing to do with infidelity. If people feel bored they develop a hobby — not cheat on their partners. If both partners decide that they want to give their union another shot, it’s important to figure out what the real factors are that contributed to the affair and whether there’s any hope for changing them.

Affairs ruin marriages
The myth: If a husband or a wife cheats on their respective partner the marriage is over. The reality: There is no denying that if your partner has an affair, it will taint your relationship and might even end it, but that is not always the case. With time and effort, it’s possible to renew communication, trust and intimacy. Many couples not only survive an affair but after they work things out they feel more intimately connected and have a better marriage. This is because once the affair is in the open, if there is any hope left for the relationship , it is important that the couple actually discuss the affair. It might be painful but at least the two parties involved will be able to discuss the problems and then find solutions.

The betrayed partner knows
The myth: The person who is being cheated on at some level always knows that their partner is straying. The reality: In many cases, the betrayed spouse is totally in the dark. It’s also common after an affair is exposed for the betrayed spouse to feel like he or she is facing a new truth. You never can be sure whether your partner will cheat. Usually, it’s not until the affair is out in the open that the betrayed spouse can go back and understand why their partner was probably staying out late or making too many excuses for not being around too often.

Affairs are a result of love
The myth: Another popular but wrong belief about affairs is that the adulterer finds happiness in the person who he or she is having an affair with and they are in the affair because of mutual love. The reality: No matter how blissful they feel, affair pairings rarely get to ‘happily ever after.’ The reason a man or woman would have an affair is rarely because of love but mostly as a reaction to stress in their current relationship. Yes, in some cases they do end up together, but in most cases the affair ends regardless of what happens to the adulterer’s other relationship. An affair remains just that — and seldom turns into a relationship. In that context, the 17th century French author and moralist, François De La Rochefoucauld’s words ring true: The struggle we undergo to remain faithful to one we love is better than infidelity.

SEXUAL FANTASIES !

Almost all sexual fantasies fall into one of the three general categories:

Sex with previous, imaginary, or celebrity partners

Sexual fantasies about submission and/or dominance

Unconventional sexual practices or settings

Nihal Seth, a young entrepreneur points out that “now sex fantasy is the safest, healthiest way to have more fun in bed.” The occasional fantasy is to sexual pleasure what green chutney is to chicken tikka: that little something extra that elevates the delicious to the sublime!

The world is not perfect. We all know that. It’s not always possible for us to get what we want. This is where fantasies help. Pooja Bedi, Bollywood actress, says that “every woman wants her man to be James Bond who holds the image of tall dark handsome and also has a kid within him. Women still fantasize with fairy tales”.

Aarti (name changed), 24, a marketing manager admits, "I fantasize my husband tying me to the bed and spanking me, abusing me and playing hard on me. It makes me feel like a wild cat waiting to be controlled."

Think of your sexual fantasies as a reflection of who you are. Fantasies may supplant reality for some. Pragya goes as far as to describe, "I often imagine myself stuck with a stranger in a dingy room during a calamity. Finally we end up making wild love amidst all the rush and hurry. It excites me to the core."

Devyani Pandit, a PR professional, says: “Doing it in bed gets boring after some time and we can explore new avenues. Our upbringing also at times acts as mental blocks as we struggle with feeling okay about our desires”. The good news is that everyone can have sexual fantasies; it’s just that some of us need a little more inspiration than others.

So the next time your woman seems to be wandering off in thought, you’ll know exactly what’s on her mind!

SEX ON HER MIND !

Picture this: Champagne, candlelight, a man at the door who craves commitment. Does it sound like every woman’s ultimate fantasy?

For ages the world has been trying hard to figure out what’s going on in a woman's head? What does a woman want: the quintessential question? The answer: champagne, candlelight, a man at the door...most of the times. The stuff most women fantasize about.

It’s not hard to understand actually...women do fantasize. A woman's fantasies are certainly not limited. All have their own peccadilloes. If your body hasn't been called "perky" since Gymboree, in fantasy you can give yourself permission to swing naked from a crystal chandelier. Here's another favourite: a rustic cabin in the woods, pink Champagne and Benicio Del Toro. The reality: a cramped studio in the city, Diet Snapple and a guy who hogs the remote. Don't get me wrong; I've got nothing against the keeper of my remote. It’s just my fantasy and reality never find common ground. But we still continue to fantasize. And yes, if it involves sex, it’s all the better.

Nothing beats a good sex fantasy. Even researchers agree. Linda Wolfe a famous author studied a sample of 15,000 women aged 18-34 years, and less than three percent said they never fantasize. It was seen that females are more likely to prefer erotica with a "softer," more imaginative side than the "harder," more explicit forms preferred by males.

Dr. Nimish Seth, psychologist says: “There’s no such thing as an inappropriate fantasy. A lesbian fantasy is not proof that you're gay; a dominatrix fantasy doesn't mean you ought to run right out and invest in a pair of leather pants. Whether you choose to explore your fantasies—however mild or wild they may be—is up to you. But by all means don't hesitate to let your imagination jump-start your body into a sexier sex life. Sometimes a girl needs a jolt of adventure—if only in her daydreams”.